James Potter Must Die
by Valentine's Riddle
Summary: If hell hath no fury like a woman scorned, just imagine what three teenage witches can do when pushed to breaking point! LilyJames, eventually! Rate&Review :D
1. Chapter 1: Smart Is Sexy

**A/N- I do love James/Lily fics! This is a little intro. I think I might make the plot similar to the film "John Tucker Must Die". Please mail/review me any suggestions! Love you, Riddle x**

**James Potter Must Die**

**Chapter 1: Smart is Sexy**

Not for the first time, and not for the last, an argument had broken out over breakfast at 24 Nightingale Road.

"If you can't control that freakish beast, you'll have to get rid of it!" shrieked Petunia Evans, looking positively demented. It wasn't that the owls bothered her- but one had woken up her parents, and once they were awake it was hard _not_ to notice that Petunia wasn't alone in her room. Vernon Dursley sat there blinking stupidly, but Petunia didn't have time for him, as she was too busy screaming her shrewish head off at her sister- although it didn't look as though it was having much an effect on her.

It wasn't. Lily Evans, still in the comatose state that was likely to persist until lunchtime, was staring into the space, Petunia's words going in one ear and straight out the other.

"- and I can't _wait_ until you go back to that freak school! I wish I was an only child! You're such a freak!"

"What? No, I think the BBC version of Pride and Prejudice is better, to be honest, closer to the book. Are those pancakes?"

Petunia gave up, and contented herself with glaring at her little sister.

"They are _waffles_. Does that freak gene affect your eyesight too?"

"I should worry about my own eyesight, if I were you, Petunia" grinned Lily with a pointed smirk at her sister's boyfriend. It seemed she had recovered enough to be sarcastic. "Pancakes, Vernon?"

Vernon looked suspiciously at the plate Lily held out, but it seemed he didn't dare be rude in front of his girlfriend's parents, who were sitting glowering at him and tutting periodically after their discovery of him in only his boxers using Lily's ensuite at two in the morning. "No, thank you" he said stiffly. "My basketball coach wants me to stick to cereals before the championships" Lily choked on her waffle.

"It's going to take more than cereal to make you thin, bud" said Lily, beaming at her father, whose stern expression was betrayed by a hint of a twinkle in his bright green eyes. The family sat in silence for another ten minutes when there was a deafening _crash!_

Petunia shrieked, Vernon yelled, Mrs Evans spilt her coffee all over the floor, and Mr Evans almost wet himself. Lily merely looked in the direction of the crash. As she suspected, there was an owl lying half-stunned on the patio outside the French windows. However smart owls were, they never seemed to realise that people- even Muggles- weren't likely to have a house with one wall missing.

Lily picked her way around the Weetabix her father had scattered over the floor, slid open the doors and held out her hand for the handsome tawny owl, which gave her a stern look, dropped a heavy sheaf of parchment at her feet and flew off, probably scared that Petunia would throw her plate at him.

Lily walked back into the kitchen, looking curiously at her letter. It was much larger and thicker than usual, and it wasn't as if she was taking any new subjects. She looked at her father, who gave a little shrug, and then slit open the envelope with her breakfast knife. Something scarlet and gold fell into her palm and her jaw dropped as her mother gave a little shriek. She was holding a red badge, with an ornate "HG" against a golden lion.

_"Head girl?!" _she gasped. Her family sat gaping at her. Her mother was the first to break the spell, when she let out a scream and gathered Lily in her arms. "Head Girl! My own baby Lily! Oh! I'm so happy! Darling, this deserves a celebration. Would you like more waffles? Now, read the rest of your letter, and after lunch we'll go and get your new books. Petunia, are you coming?" Mrs Evans carried on talking before Petunia even replied- she didn't want any swear words to dampen her spirits. "And why don't you invite some of your little friends over? Goodness! Head Girl! I had almost lost hope!" Lily could feel her face turning scarlet, and her father looked very amused.

After a few minutes, Lily remembered the letter she held in her hands. After slipping the badge- at which Petunia was shooting some malevolent glances- in her pocket, she picked up her letter.

_Dear Miss Evans_

_Please find enclosed your book list for the __new school year__. Term will begin on September the First. Your ticket is also enclosed._

_I am delighted to inform you that you have been appointed this year's Head Girl. Please report to Compartment A for your instructions from Professor Flitwick, after which you will be supervising the other Prefects in their patrols of the corridors. Please also report to my office before the Welcoming Feast, when I will make you and our new Head Boy aware of the other duties you will have in the course of the year. _

_Prof. M. McGonagall._

Lily passed the letter to her father, who read it and then ruffled her hair.

"Duties for my little Lily. Who would have thought? It'll be interesting to see who the Head Boy is, won't it?"

Lily didn't answer. She had a nasty idea she already knew.


	2. Chapter 2: Purebloods are all inbred

**A/N: ****Yes, it's ****true;**** I'm using Potterpuff quotes as chapter titles. I couldn't think of any. I'm just dull like that. Anyway, here's part two. At the time of writing, I must give thanks to... bruddy101, laura sedai, brooke-ella1690****, nun outfits are cool**** and JAMESandLILLYareCUTE for ****re****viewing :D**** Please keep it up****, it's a great help for me and makes me a very happy bunny. **

**By the way, my cat says hi**** She's very cute. She's my muse.**** When she's not scratching my eyes out and bringing me presents of disembowelled rodents.**

**On with the story!**** – Riddle x**

**Chapter Two- Yes, Purebloods really are all inbred.**

Lily Evans woke up on the morning of September the First quite voluntarily, which for her was an unusual occurrence. She got up with only some minor grumbling, bid goodbye to her mother and sister and, after a minor incident involving Petunia's breakfast cereal and a bowl of sugar, managed to get in the car with her father feeling relatively unscathed. She felt rather sorry for him, trapped in the house with only her mother and Petunia for company for all these months, and so put in great efforts at conversation. However, after four unsuccessful attempts with which she was rewarded by little more than a monosyllable, she gave up and the rest of the journey was made in silence.

"Bye, darling" said her father, affectionately ruffling her hair when he had walked her through the barrier and the two were standing amidst the chaos of Platform 9¾. "Have a good term, won't you. You know I worry about you all alone at that school"

Bellatrix Black, who was there to wave off her cousin Regulus, chose that moment to say loudly, as she caught Lily's eye,

"Oh, look what we have here, Reg. Would you believe the rubbish they let onto the platform? Honestly! I can't believe Dumbledore could be so ill-bred" Lily's father raised an eyebrow, and Lily quipped-

"I'd rather be ill-bred than in-bred, Black. Is it true that your family produces a nutcase every generation? I'd say you and your cousins have surpassed the quota for the last century"

Lily was surprised Bellatrix didn't hex her on the spot, but Lily's friends chose that moment to appear, and Bellatrix merely shot a glower in her direction and sauntered off towards Lucius Malfoy, who was saying goodbye to her sister, Narcissa. After quickly hugging her father goodbye, Lily turned to her friends, whom she hadn't seen since they all waved goodbye at the beginning of the summer.

"Lily! How have you been? And did you know you have some Crunchy Nut Cornflakes in your hair?" said Alice Prewitt, waving goodbye to her cousin Molly, who had dropped her off, and setting to work Vanishing the cereal in Lily's hair. Alice had a round, friendly face and was one of Lily's best friends. Lily couldn't help but notice how close she was standing to Frank Longbottom, who she had been sweet on since fifth year. The Hufflepuff boy smiled at Lily and shook her hand energetically. Emmeline Vance, another of their fellow Gryffindors, smiled and gave Lily a hug, and Andromeda Black practically knocked her over with the exuberance of her greeting.

"Hey, guys! Yeah, I'm alright thanks, how were your summers?" Lily gratefully accepted help from Frank stowing her trunk, and her friends crowded around her, shouting out random bits of information as they waited for a gang of First Years to move so they could board the train.

"Yeah, I spent the whole of the summer at Grimmauld Place. I hate staying in that insane asylum for a second longer than I have to, but I promised Sirius-"

"Well, I basically spent the summer working; Professor Ragwort says that if I want to be an Auror I have to stop hexing the wrong people-"

"-portrait is INSANE, it's almost as bad as Walburga herself, that old hag really makes me want to-"

"Do you think it suits me, Lil? My mum said the colouring was all wrong, but I thought it was so cute I couldn't really-"

"Merlin's Beard, Lil! You're Head Girl?"

Lily grinned at Frank and nodded, smiling.

"Yeah, I was really surprised"

"Well, _I'm_ not" said Andromeda decidedly. "You're the biggest swot in our year, miss I-should-have-been-a-Ravenclaw-but-decided-to-grace-you-less-intelligent-Gryffindors-with-my-presence-instead"

"Thanks, Andy" said Lily, rolling her eyes at Emmeline, who smiled. "Well, thanks for reminding me. I have to go to the Prefect's compartment. Where are you going to sit? I'll get out when I can and join you"

"As far away from _that lot_ as possible" said Andy, glaring at Narcissa, who was chatting animatedly to Severus Snape, who, when he saw Lily looking at him, turned bright red and smiled awkwardly. It looked like his facial muscles weren't used to it.

"Gawd, what's wrong with Snape?" said Andy, alarmed. "He looks constipated"

"Andy!" said Emmeline, shocked but laughing at the same time. "He's just in love with Lil, that's all."

"What?!" spluttered Andy, looking disgusted.

"Well, she's the only person in the school who's nice to him. I'm surprised he hasn't started stalking her yet. But then, we'll have to leave that to Potter, eh Lil? Lil?"

"She's gone to the Prefect's carriage" said Frank, taking Alice's hand and pulling Andy after him. "And we'd better follow suit, unless we want to _walk _to Hogwarts"

"Keep your hair on" muttered Andy as the four of them followed a gang of Hufflepuffs onto the train.

XxXxX

"_Head Boy_?!" said Sirius Black, looking utterly disgusted. "HEAD BOY?! James, how? Why? You've had more detentions than the rest of our year put together!"

"Present company excluded" Remus cut in dryly, giving Sirius the sarcastic stare that was reserved just for him. Peter shifted nervously and backed away slightly.

"Yeah, well that goes without saying" James pointed out. He grinned. "I thought you'd be happy, Padfoot. This gives me a license to do whatever I want, and I'll be believed when I blame it on someone else!" Sirius scowled.

"Oh, shut it, Prongs, you know you're only doing it because Evans is so _obviously _going to be Head Girl" James winked at him before mussing up his hair and admiring the result in the reflection off the luggage rack. He then grinned at Remus and Peter, and headed out the door.

"DON'T LET THE DOOR HIT YOU IN THE ASS ON YOUR WAY OUT, NANCY BOY!" yelled Sirius, with just the barest hint of a smirk.

XxXxX

Lily and Professor Flitwick had run out of things to talk about. They had covered his summer holidays, her summer holidays, the upcoming NEWTs, last year's exams, the OWLs, the fourth year exams, the third year exams, the second year exams, the first year exams, the Sorting, the growing influence of Lord Voldemort, Dumbledore's eccentric dress sense... When Potter arrived, she would _kill_ him.

The door slid open and James Potter came in, looking his usual cocky self- or at least, until he saw Lily's face. For the first time he saw why she had been voted "Most Likely to Dismember Someone" when she had left junior school.

"Hi, sorry I'm late" he said, attempting a charming smile. Flitwick and Lily exchanged glances.

"Yes, Mr Potter. Glad to see you're taking this so seriously."

"Don't blame him, Professor" said Lily, glaring at James. "He was probably trying and failing to comb his hair" Flitwick chuckled and James smirked, although he could feel his cheeks going red.

"Now, Mr Potter, Miss Evans" said Flitwick, clapping his hands together briskly. "I trust you are going to live up to, or perhaps even exceed, the standards of last year's Head Girl and Boy. Here-" he handed them both a thick wodge of parchment- "Are your timetables for patrols, and the lists of jobs that you and your Prefects need to cover. Miss Evans, you command the girls, and Mr Potter likewise the boys. Any questions come to me. Now, the rest of the Prefects are in the next carriage, so I suggest you run along, get acquainted and sort everything out. Run along now"

Lily smiled at Professor Flitwick and then walked briskly out into the corridor, James following a little more reluctantly. An hour later, after some tantrums, hexes and a run-in with a tarantula Lily was sure wasn't allowed on the train, all the tasks were delegated to her satisfaction, and she exited the carriage feeling quite pleased with herself.

She walked back down the corridor, getting increasingly irritated as she realised James was following her.

"That went okay, didn't it?" he said, grinning cockily.

"Yeah, no thanks to you" she said, glaring at him. "You'd better be grateful I was in a generous mood, or you'd still be in there fighting off the Slytherin prefects" he grinned.

"Well, Lily, if there's ever anything I can do for your lovely self-"

"I'll be sure to let you know, right after my date with Snape."

And she slammed the door in his face.

**A/N- As you can probably tell, I wasn't in a very banter-y mood! We will have some plotting in the next chapter, never fear! Right after I've figured out what they're going to do to him.**

**Riddle x**


	3. Chapter 3: Casual Cruelty

**A/N: Yes, I'm sorry the last chapter was dull. I'm just finishing up my GCSE's at the moment (Only three more, as of today!) and so I am writing this in my breaks, which means, as you can probably guess, that I'm not really in a very "fanfic-y" place. But don't worry, things WILL improve! I swear! Once we've got this chapter over and done with, I hope things will liven up :)**

**Thanks to nun outfits are cool, ****Shakeit-Don'tBreakit****, cosmopolitan, JAMESandLILLYareCUTE, ****laura**** sedai and brooke-ella1690 for reviewing. It put me in a good mood after a day of Physics and ****French :D**** By the way, has anyone seen the Potterpuff of Lily? ****Cutest thing ever.**** I was totally inspired.**

**Chapter Three- James Potter: Tirelessly Dedicated to Casual Cruelty**

Lily smiled for the first time since slamming the door in James's face when she looked up at the turrets and towers of Hogwarts Castle. She was back, she was finally back!

"Are you alright, Lily?" said Alice, smiling and putting her arm around Lily's shoulders.

"Yeah. You know, even after six years here, I can't help feeling amazed every time I see that castle. It reassures me that the world of magic isn't a figment of my imagination" Alice grinned.

"I'm pure-blooded, Lil, and I feel the same. Hogwarts is like a dream" Frank laughed at the pair of them and pushed between them, putting an arm around each of their shoulders.

"Look at you sentimental darlings" he laughed. "Personally I won't mind leaving this place and never seeing Snape or Lestrange again"

"You'll see more of them than you want to if you make it as an Auror" pointed out Lily. "I have no doubt you'll be asked to arrest half of that lot before long" a tap on her shoulder made her turn around.

"Remus!" she squealed, throwing her arms around Remus Lupin, a slight, pale boy with a mop of light brown curls and a sickly look. Nevertheless, he hugged her back warmly.

"Hi, Lily! It's great to see you. I'm sorry I didn't say hi earlier, I was with-"

"- James, Sirius and Peter, I know" laughed Lily. "It's okay. How was your summer?"

"Oh, it was alright, normal, really" said Remus, looking gloomy. Lily smiled at him and nodded with understanding. She was saved from replying by the sudden halt of a horseless carriage next to them, which caused Alice to fly into Frank. While the two of them were apologising awkwardly and Andy and Emmeline were laughing their heads off, Lily hopped into the carriage after Remus before the rest of the Marauders could see them, and were joined in a few moments by the others.

"I spent last month with Peter" Remus said, when the silence was becoming awkward. Lily made a face- she couldn't stand Peter. His smarmy attitude incensed her enough, but his copying of other people's work was enough to ensure her lasting hatred.

"God, you look peaky, Remus" said Andy with characteristic tactlessness. "You look like I usually do at my time of the month". The rest of them looked with surprise at Remus and Lily, who had both burst out laughing.

"You have _no_ idea, Andromeda" said Remus, grinning. They didn't talk any more during the ride back to school, but the awkwardness was gone. Remus was still smiling. Lily wasn't sure how a comparison to a woman's menstrual cycle had cheered him up so much, but it was good to see everyone at ease again.

Soon enough, the carriage had stopped in front of the school and the six of them tumbled out. Lily went first, and narrowly missed being hit by a hex that flew past her right ear. She turned to see Sirius Black pointing his wand at Severus Snape, mimicked by James, who was standing a little way behind.

"That's the last time you call me a blood traitor, you worthless scum!" he spat at Snape. "I don't know who the hell you think you are-" Snape shot another hex their way, which Sirius blocked with arrogant ease, and retaliated with one of his own. Lily couldn't take it anymore.

"STOP! Stop RIGHT NOW!" she yelled. The First Years looked terrified, but everyone else merely looked mildly surprised. They had expected Lily to blow at some point, but she usually waited until someone was actually hit. "I've HAD ENOUGH!" she yelled, wading through the sea of people and summoning Sirius, James and Severus's wands. "Six years! SIX YEARS we've all had to put up with your pathetic rivalry! I can't TAKE IT ANY MORE! Stop being PATHETIC! And YOU-" she screamed at James, who was shuffling backwards, obviously hoping to escape unscathed- "You're HEAD BOY! DO YOU THINK THIS IS A GOOD EXAMPLE TO SET TO THE REST OF THE SCHOOL?!"

"Hexing a filthy little git like him?" muttered Sirius "I'll say that's an _excellent__-_"

"I'M TALKING!" yelled Lily. "I had hoped that after all the incidents last year, you lot would have grown the hell up, but I was sadly disappointed. And no-" she said, glaring at James "You can't have your wands back. I'm handing them to Professor McGonagall; she can give them back once you've been punished"

"I'll certainly be doing _that_" said a voice behind her. "Thank you, Miss Evans, I'll deal with this. You may all proceed into the Great Hall"

Lily stormed into the school, the rest of her friends keeping a safe distance. After she'd had a run-in with James Potter, it generally wasn't safe to approach until she'd eaten something, for fear of grievous bodily harm.

XxXxX

Dumbledore smiled as his students took their seats in the Great Hall. He always found the summer holidays excruciatingly dull. No students to punish, no gossip to eavesdrop on, no feasts to organise, and no insane caretakers to laugh at- it was enough to make him wish that school ran year-round.

The Sorting was over relatively quickly, and when all the students had quietened down, he allowed the silence to increase ominously for a few moments.

"The suspense, you know" he muttered in response to Minerva McGonagall's enquiring look, and just when it seemed talk might break out again, he stood up with a flourish. He accidentally dropped his draping sleeve in a goblet of pumpkin juice, but skilfully covered it up by clasping his hands regally behind his back.

"Welcome back!" he cried, his excitement breaking out as he waved his arms in an expansive welcoming gesture, spattering Professor Kettleburn with pumpkin juice. "I am sure you are all impatient to dive into our Welcoming Feast! So, without further ado, tuck in!"

The students turned to their plates, which remained resolutely empty.

"I _said_" he continued, somewhat irritated, "TUCK IN!" it seemed the House Elves got the message, for the plates suddenly filled with delicious food.

"Honestly, I'll be having words" he muttered. "Do they want to make me look stupid?"

XxXxX

After the Welcoming Feast, Lily happily went off to guide the First Year Gryffindors to the Common Room, along with her six fellow Gryffindor prefects, and Andy, Alice and Emmeline said goodbye to Frank and headed up to the Gryffindor Common Room. After bidding goodbye to the other eight girls in their year, they headed up the spiral staircase into their cosy dormitory. What followed was a mad search for pyjamas, ending in everyone's possessions being dumped on the spare bed, and then they all curled up on the rug with a huge box of Chocolate Frogs and a summer's worth of gossip and guy complaints to catch up on.

The door opened and Lily entered, looking furious.

"POTTER! Why _Potter_? Why not Remus? He'd never have given a First Year a hexed Chocolate Frog on his _first day_! He'd never have attempted to guide the First Years to the _Slytherin_ common room as a joke! And he'd _never_ tell them all I'm his GIRLFRIEND!" she pulled off her robes and used a Switching Spell to change into her pyjamas, then collapsed next to Andromeda.

"I take it you and our esteemed Head Boy aren't getting on?" said Emmeline, handing Lily a Chocolate Frog, which was devoured in a matter of seconds, then resigning herself to the fact that Lily was in a bad mood and handing her the box.

"I don't blame you, Lily" said Andromeda, looking dejected. Lily looked at her in surprise.

"What's the matter, Andy? Has he done something to you?" enquired Alice, looking concerned. Andromeda was _never _sad. It was like seeing Snape cheerful. Unnatural.

"Broken my-" (Lily coughed here to cover up Andromeda's swearing) "-heart, yes."

Lily gaped. Emmeline gazed in shock. Alice's jaw dropped and her Chocolate Frog dropped, unheeded, to the ground.

"He WHAT?" they chorused in unison. Andy dropped her head into her hands, looking utterly miserable.

"Okay, not exactly broken my heart. Maybe upset me. Definitely bruised my ego. Over the summer. We kind of went out. I was at Grimmauld Place and him and Sirius were always hanging out and- I-" Lily moved towards Andromeda, ready to give her a sympathetic hug, when she and the other girls noticed the warning signs and leapt backwards five feet.

"I HATE THAT STUPID PRICK!" Andy screamed.

"What did he _do_?" said Lily, amazed.

"He went out with me! The whole summer! And _then-_" Lily moved back again, just in case, but Andy just let out a kind of growl- "He said 'I like you, Andy, you're a cool girl, I'm sure we could have had something special. But there's only one girl for me, and it's not you'!" The other girls gasped.

"Oh no he din't!" gaped Emmeline.

"And I thought the _pranking_ was bad!" said Lily, thunderstruck. "He was hitting on me on the train! How long is it since he chucked you?"

"Four days" said Andy, glowering.

"FOUR DAYS?!" yelled Alice.

"Insensitive prick" stormed Emmeline.

"Oh, but _that's not it_" said Andy.

"That's _not it?_" chorused the others. This conversation was beginning to sound like a pantomime act.

"He took the opportunity to try and complete my humiliation" said Andy. The others were hooked onto her every word.

"He- he-" the others leant forward.

"HE TOLD BELLATRIX AND NARCISSA ABOUT ME AND XAVIER!" shrieked Andromeda. "And _now _my mother is yelling at me every time I see her! At the Malfoy ball, she called me a trollop in front of everyone! EVERYONE! And Potter just stood there laughing! And my stupid mother, she- she-" this time Andromeda's shriek was so loud it echoed around the room. "SHE CONFISCATED MY BROOMSTICK!"

"You mean- you can't play Quidditch?" said Alice, her face pale with shock.

"No Quidditch" said Andromeda, her voice hollow.

"He didn't do it on purpose, though, he knows you're the best Beater Gryffindor's had in years" said Emmeline, puzzled.

"Yeah, that's the only reason he'd care" said Lily coldly. "Quidditch. Do you think he felt any remorse about humiliating Andy at the Malfoy Ball? Do you think he felt remorse when he let all those tarantulas into the other girl's dorm in the First Year, and made Evelyn cry? Do you think he _ever_ cares, as long as his stupid reputation is intact? Troublemakers my arse. Him and Sirius are just bullies"

"Yeah, but what can we do about it?" said Andromeda.

"Teach him a lesson" said Emmeline.

"Humiliate_ him_" said Lily, her face suddenly splitting into a truly evil grin.

XxXxX

**A/N: Now, I need some ideas for magical revenges! I already h****ave a few floating around in my ****mind, but I want a little more ****chaos :D**

**By the way, I know Lily's year seems big, but if you think about it, JK said that there were 1000 kids at Hogwarts, right? Well, if you split that up, it's 250 kids in each house. ****Almost 40 kids in each house's year.**** And like 18 of each sex in each year in each house! Do you think she ran out of names? Anyway, I wanted it to only be Lily and her friends in their dorm, which is why their year has 12 girls in it****- ****there**** are three girl's dorms for Gryffindor****Byesie****! Riddle x**


	4. Chapter 4: Accepting Drinks

**A/N- Ooh, here we are, some chaos ****comin****' up! Not much to say really. Thanks to ****Ember Riddle, ****JAMESandLILLYareCUTE ****and**** Discombobulated-Chum-Bucket (wicked name!) for reviewing!**** I really do want to know how you guys want this story to progress, so PM or review for me :) Riddle x**

**Chapter Four- Lily Evans: Do Not Accept Drinks From This Woman.**

As the sun rose over Hogwarts Castle, light shone in through a window at the top of a tower, highlighting a strange scene. Four girls, in pyjamas, were asleep on a rug, surrounded by Chocolate Frogs, empty Firewhiskey bottles and several manuals on Brazilian Voodoo.

The redhead was the first to stir. Lily sat up, aching all over, and groaned. Her head felt like someone had whacked it with a mallet. She looked at her watch. Seven thirty. Plenty enough time to erase all evidence of last night's semi-party. She looked around.

"Hairbrush- need hairbrush. And water. Ohhh, hurt's to think" she muttered to herself. The nearest water jug was merely feet away- it was getting there that was a problem. "Not good sleep on floor" she muttered absentmindedly. "Ache all over. Water!"

"Lil?" croaked Alice, who had just sat up. "We need to stop having Firewhiskey parties every time one of us is miserable. I think my head's split in two" Lily nodded, having at last- ten minutes later- reached the water jug.

It was empty.

"Oh, stupid buggery empty water jug!" she muttered, reaching for her wand and saying "Aguamenti".

Nothing happened.

"AGUAMENTI!"

Nothing happened.

"AGUA- BLOODY- MENTI!"

Five minutes later, the four girls, soaked to the skin, managed to stop the torrents of water jetting from Lily's wand.

"Now _that's _what I call a hangover cure" laughed Andy, looking relatively perky, for someone who had polished off half the group's alcohol singlehandedly. "Now, let's go straight to Potions"

"What about breakfast?" said Lily, who was walking round drying all their furniture and Transfiguring the empty Firewhiskey bottles into Beanie Babies.

"I think if I'm subjected to both Potter and bacon in the same room, I might just throw up" muttered Andy, kicking one of the Beanie Babies into the wall, where it sat looking very dejected. The others heartily agreed, and, clutching aching heads, made their way down to Dungeon 5.

XxXxX

"Potter! Black! Pettigrew! Will you _please_ pay attention?_"_ said Slughorn, his four chins wobbling in indignation. "You may think that this potion is trivial, but if you get Charis Serenis wrong, there can be some very humiliating and long-lasting side effects! Now, I think it's best if I split you two up. Potter, with Mr Black. No, not Sirius, Regulus. The _other_ Mr Black, you can go with Miss Evans. Get to it!"

Sirius walked reluctantly to the front of the class and sat next to Lily, who studiously ignored him as she crushed her sweet peas into mulch.

"So... what exactly _is_ Charis Serenis?" said Sirius, unpacking his potions kit.

"Draught to cool the nerves, lend grace and dignity." She turned to her sweet-pea-mush and added a pinch of powdered duck marrow. "Chop up the caterpillars, Black" she said, turning up the flames at the base of her cauldron and beginning to add the duck and pea mulch. Surprisingly, it turned a pretty turquoise colour and started to bubble.

Lily was so focused on her potion that the first time something hit the back of her head, she didn't notice. Then she felt a light tap on her shoulder. She looked at Sirius, who was smirking, and then at her shoulder, where there was a little piece of caterpillar resting.

She glared at him, and then turned back to the potion. Three stirs clockwise, one anti clockwise, three clockwise-

_Tap_

She forced herself not to look down, where she knew there was a piece of caterpillar sliding down her neck. She took a deep breath, and then turned back to her cauldron. Three stirs clockwise, one stir anti clockwise, add the chopped willow bark-

_Tap_

She ran a hand through her hair, discreetly removing the piece of caterpillar, and then took the rest of the pile and started to weigh them out on her brass scales. She was just measuring out a glass of Mamba Venom when-

_Splat_

Lily looked straight ahead, although she could see Sirius laughing out of the corner of her eye. She could also _feel_ something sticky sliding down her cheek. She took a deep breath.

"Duck marrow?"

"Yup"

She turned back to the cauldron and took out a bottle of pickled seahorses, then started adding them, one by one-

_Splat_

This time, Lily jumped so hard that every seahorse in the bottle fell into the cauldron, which suddenly started spitting green sparks.

"BLACK!" yelled Lily, causing everyone in the room to jump. Andy swore loudly as she spilt a bowl of dove blood all over herself, Frank and Alice hid under the table, and Slughorn looked up in surprise.

"STOP THROWING BLOODY INGREDIENTS AT ME!" yelled Lily, aiming a blow from a three-kilogram scale weight at him, which he ducked. James was laughing his head off- he couldn't help admiring the way Lily's green eyes flashed when she was angry. The other girls were glaring at Sirius too- he was outnumbered fifteen to one, and looked sheepish.

"Lily! Black! Honestly! What are you doing causing havoc in my class? Now, get back to your Potion! Five minutes left" Slughorn shook his head at Sirius, then gave Lily a weary smile. "That will take some skill to rectify, but at least try to stop it sparking, Miss Evans"

Lily sat down, fuming.

"You just have to muck it up for everyone, don't you, Black?"

"What? It's just a Potions class"

"Yeah, but what about Andy? What about all those First years you hex? What about Severus?"

"Jeez, it's only joking around-"

"Humiliating people isn't joking, it's just plain mean. Now get the hell out of my way so I can fix this stupid mess" she turned back to her cauldron, fuming. She was getting madder by the minute. Twenty minutes later, her potion was black, although it wasn't the velvety black of Severus's, and lacked the characteristic diamond sparkles on the surface of the water.

"Well, it was certainly a good try, Lily; many more experienced potioneers would have trouble making such a vast improvement. However, it would still give some nasty side-effects. Most likely uncontrollably jerky limbs, however sometimes it causes conditions as extreme as nausea, excessive giggling or uncontrollable tap-dancing." He looked around at the rest of the class. "I hope you're all taking this down!" there was a scramble for quills and parchment. "Miss Evans, you receive an 'E' for today's work. Mr Black a 'P'. Now, clear this potion away, the bell is in ten minutes"

"No, I'll do it" said Lily as Sirius moved to clear up the potion.

XxXxX

"And then" Andy said to the rest of the group, which was seated at the Gryffindor table picking at a huge pile of sandwiches, "The hag says- 'no thanks, mate, I got Troll in that subject anyway'!" the others laughed.

"Where was that one from?" said Lily, halfway through a jam sandwich.

"An ex boyfriend"

"You dumped him, right?" said Frank, with raised eyebrows. The others laughed, but Andy looked peeved at the fact Frank had got everyone laughing without trying. She smirked at Alice, who was practically sitting on Frank's lap.

"Oooh, look at you, Ally!" she giggled. "Guys, I think we should give these two some privacy" Alice started, and stared at Andromeda, blushing. She went completely scarlet when the latter started singing "Alice and Fra-ank, sitting in a tree, K-I-S-S-"

She was interrupted by a quick "Silencio" from Emmeline, but Alice ran, mortified, from the Hall.

"Alice, I was only joking!" mouthed Andy, and then had a hilarious- but completely silent- hissy fit.

"I'll go after her" said Lily, getting up resigned to the fact that she'd be playing the therapist yet again. "Alice! Alice! Wait up!" She ran the length of the hall and ran _smash_ into something hard, toppling to the floor. Looking up, she saw amused hazel eyes.

"Oh, look who it is, Padfoot. Didn't I tell you she'd _fall_ for me one day?" James smirked, taking his seat at the end of the Gryffindor table. Sirius laughed and Lily, irritated but more worried about Alice, glared at them. "Can we do something for your loveliness?" James continued smoothly.

"Yes, James. Can I borrow your fork, please?" said Lily sweetly.

"Sure" said James, holding it out. "Why?"

"I want to stab you in the eye"- his hand was hurriedly retracted.

"God, Lily, lighten up" she leant over the table towards him. He looked surprised, but his hazel eyes caught hers and held them.

"I'm sure there are some things that could _brighten up my day_. But for now, I'm going to go eat" She headed back to her table, slipping her hand back into her pocket as she headed back to her friends.

"Lil? I thought you were going to find Alice?" said Emmeline, puzzled. Andy was frantically gesturing at Lily and the others, but they, relishing a little bit of peace and quiet, ignored her.

"Oh. Well, yes, I was, but I wouldn't want to miss this" said Lily. The others, alarmed to see her smirking, hurriedly moved all glasses and plates out of her reach.

"Lily, dare I ask-?" said Emmeline, looking worried- but she didn't have long to wait. What Lily didn't want to miss was soon made very clear.

"Weeell..." Lily was interrupted by a panicked yell.

"What the hell is up with my legs?!" James's legs were jerking and twitching of their own accord.

"Lily! That's not fair! Make it stop!" he yelled. Lily looked a bit guilty, and then sighed.

"Fine! You just need to take another gulp of the potion. Double the ingredients cancel out the effects."

Over on the Slytherin table, Severus Snape looked at Lily with a gaze that could only be described as worshipful. Andy and Emmeline- who were both good potioneers themselves- shared an amused glance. James, however, didn't notice these warning signs, but reached for his spiked pumpkin juice and took a large gulp.

For ten seconds, everyone in the Great Hall held their breath.

Then, suddenly, James Potter's legs, which had been twitching feebly before, seemed to take on a life of their own. He leapt onto the table, and Lily couldn't help a snort of laughter at the look of shock on his face. Then, he broke into a wild, frenzied, and completely insane looking tap dance.

"LILY EVANS!" he yelled, as he danced his way up the table, knocking plates of food into people's faces. "HOW THE HELL DO I MAKE IT STOP?"

"Jeez, Potter, lighten up" said Lily, between chokes of laughter. Everyone else in the hall was roaring with laughter as James's legs spun him round and round so fast that he appeared a blur. "It's only a _joke_"

"HOW DO I MAKE IT STOP, EVANS?" roared James, who was now splattered up to his waist in sandwiches and pumpkin juice.

"You _don't_. If you listen in Potions, you'd realise that you just have to be patient and- and- wait for it to stop" Lily was by this time collapsed on the table, almost crying with mirth. Andy, although she couldn't actually laugh out loud, was rolling around on the floor, gasping for breath.

"Have a nice afternoon, Potter!" yelled Lily over everyone's laughter, as she made her way- to a standing ovation- out of the Great Hall.

XxXxX

**A/N- Oh, that was fun to write! I really hope you all liked it! I have absolutely no idea how I'm going to end this story, but I'm having a great time writing it. Please review and tell me what you thought! Riddle x**


	5. Chapter 5: Dirty Tactics

**A/N: Thanks to everyone who reviewed! I feel really bad that I can't personally thank people for every review, but my free time at the moment is limited and it's either personal thank-you notes or updates... sorry :( But I'll take this opportunity to thank EVERYONE who has read or reviewed my story so far. ****It makes me so happy that I am inspired to do good things for the rainforest, to fight world poverty... Ok, maybe not. But it inspires me to write more!**

**More specifically, for this chapter I must thank: xoxo4aang, nun outfits are cool, Black.And. emeraldeye, Yep.Morgan.It.Is, laura sedai, The Red Bandit and Emma-Louise 1993. Eight reviews! I was expecting this update to take at least four or five days, but I worked extra hard :D****- Riddle x**

**The Gryffindor Girls like ****Dirty Tactics**

(Ok, broke with the Potterpuff-quotes-as-titles thing. But there weren't any that fitted)

Sirius, James, Peter and Remus, as usual, were eating breakfast at the far end of the Gryffindor table, and, as usual, James spent most of the meal staring at Lily. The unknowing girl couldn't so much as take a bite of a croissant without the idiot catching his breath.

"Oh, for Christ's sake, Prongs" snapped Sirius irritably. He was already in a bad mood because of the house elves' pitiable lack of skill when it came to producing caffeine, and James's hormonal mooning was just making it worse. "Just ask the girl out already"

"Don't you think I've tried that before?" said James, glaring at his best friend. He too needed a morning coffee before he could be expected to be reasonably lucid.

"Just freakin' _ask her out_!" muttered Sirius, stabbing a sausage with unrestrained aggression and splattering Peter with scrambled egg.

"Right... and do you suggest I do this _before _or _after_ she rips out my spleen and/or causes me to tap dance my way to all my classes for two days?" said James, glaring at Severus Snape, who had been unreasonably happy since James's humiliation.

"Oh, Merlin, James, it wasn't that bad. Sure, you danced your way around the castle for a few days, and sure, the girl you like hates your rotten guts. If you can make a joke out of my mother disowning me and sending me cursed letters for nine months, you can charm your way out of this. Just give the crowds what they want! And, about Evans, for heaven's sake, Prongs, just go out with a few other people, loosen up. You're not going to endear yourself to her by acting like a celibate. You're just going to make everyone think you and I are a gay couple" James snorted with laughter at the idea.

"You, gay? You're the ladies' man of the school!"

"A classic sign of my repressed sexuality" said Sirius, shaking his head in mock despair. "Now, get to it, Prongs, or we'll be late for Charms. And we wouldn't want to miss the opportunity to hex a few Slytherin First Years if it should arrive, would we?"

James turned around, noticing everyone sniggering at him, the occasional person making some barbed reference to his imminent entrance into drama school, and Lily Evans looking his way. He then looked at Sirius, who raised an eyebrow and made a jerk of the head that seemed to say 'well, are you a man or a mouse?'

"Give the crowd what they want" he murmured, then stood up, plastering a grin which, if not as cocky as usual was certainly charming enough on his face, and mussing up his hair.

XxXxX

"I will _never_ forget the look on his face!" said Andy dreamily.

"No, that looks certain to remain a happy memory forever" grinned Lily, glancing over at James, who was much quieter than usual.

"But our revenge is not complete" said Andy, glaring at the Marauders.

"No" agreed Emmeline. "This felt too good to be a one-off"

"But how are we going to top it?" said Frank, whose Quidditch skills James had always made fun of, and who was extremely keen on seeing the arrogant Chaser put in his place.

At that moment there was a disturbance at the other end of the hall as James got up. Many of the people around him started laughing, and one yelled

"Oi, Potter, you forgot your tap shoes!" James turned around and grinned broadly at the offending Ravenclaw Fourth Year.

"You insinuating that I can't tap dance without the gear?" he smirked and did a little dance to the doors, where he made a mock bow towards Lily. The hall erupted in laughter, and he made a jaunty little wave and strutted out of the hall, followed by his grinning friends.

Lily scowled.

"Oh, that's how he's going to play it, is he?" she glowered. "Couldn't he have just stayed dejected and touchy for a week or two? It would have made _me_ feel better"

"He's a hard nut to crack" agreed Emmeline.

"Well, we're just going to have to smash him, aren't we?" smirked Andy.

"I don't think that whacking him over the head with the edge of a fork will help our cause much, Andy" said Alice, though she was smiling. Frank took a swig of pumpkin juice and slipped an arm around Alice, looking thoughtful.

"You know, in Quidditch, when we want to beat the other team's Chasers, we do it by undermining their teamwork or destroying their confidence" he said. Lily turned to him, tapping her fork on the desk.

"You know, Frank, I never really saw the point in Quidditch" she said, "but you might be on to something"

"Dirty tactics, eh?" said Andy, giggling. Lily took out her wand and transfigured a trio of kippers into a piece of parchment, a quill and a pot of ink. Frank, who had been reaching for a kipper, huffed and took a sausage instead.

"So, how do we do it? Undermine his confidence, I mean" she said, writing "Potter Gate" at the top of the parchment.

"What is he best at?" said Andy, "Quidditch, obviously" Lily nodded and scribbled it down.

"Getting girls" said Emmeline. "Except Lily, because she doesn't count".

"What?" said Lily "What's that supposed to mean?"

"Em means you're totally out of his league" said Frank smoothly. Emmeline flashed him a grateful look when Lily seemed placated and added "Girls" to her list.

"Pranking" said Alice. The others nodded, and it was quickly added to the list.

"Well, I think those would be the three areas" said Lily, thoughtfully perusing her list. Frank nodded.

"I think those are what we have to hit, really. Hit those and we hit him hard"

"What about Sirius?" said Andromeda, stabbing her cereal with unnecessary force.

"Well, isn't Potter enough to be getting along with? But, yes, I think if the opportunity arises of humiliating him, we should take it" said Lily. "They're just as bad as each other, really"

"And Sirius replaced me as Gryffindor Beater" said Andy, looking like she was about to punch something and clenching her fists on the table. "If he hadn't had another candidate all lined up- one that just _happens_ to be his best friend- then he would've helped me get my broom back"

"Which shall we target first?" said Frank

"Quidditch" said Alice. "At the Gryffindor/Hufflepuff game"

"Are you sure?" said Lily "I mean, I'm not a big fan of Quidditch, but I'd hate to see us lose to Slytherin"

"No, Lil, James isn't Seeker, he's Chaser- there are three of them, and he's not dispensable. Any discrepancies of his could be covered by the rest of the team, besides, what better opportunity to do it in front of the whole school?"

"But, how are we going to do it?" said Andy. "I'd curse him off his broomstick if he wouldn't make a body cast a fashion statement"

"Let's just forget about it for now, and enjoy this afternoon. We'll plot some more this evening"

"What about me?" said Frank "I can't come to the Gryffindor common room"

"We'll meet in the library" said Alice.

"Alice is right" said Andy. "Let's have a nice day, and then we can decide how to kick some Potter butt!"

XxXxX

Later that day, James and the other Marauders were lazing around underneath their favourite beach tree, enjoying the cool, crisp Autumn evening. James, typically, was reading a Quidditch manual. He had his arm around a pretty Gryffindor girl called Sherine, who was looking at him adoringly and fiddling with her hair. Sirius was leaning against the tree, his face shadowed and hair flopping in a way that made him look even more maddeningly gorgeous than usual, Remus was reading a book and Peter was sitting there twitching. Well, what else was new?

"I reckon Evans is up to something" said Sirius, who had taken over James's job of staring at the large group of Gryffindor girls down by the water's edge feeding the giant squid. James had to fight very hard to keep his eyes on his manual.

"What do you mean?" said Remus, when it was clear James wasn't going to speak.

"Normally her, my cousin, Emmeline and the Prewitt girl all hang out with that huge group of Gryffindor girls, but this is the first time I've seen that lot all together since the start of term. Evans and her dorm mates spend all their time talking secretly. I think they're up to something."

"What would they be _up to_?" said Remus, not letting on that he had a good idea why Lily would want to spend more time with her best friends.

"I don't know. Why did she spike Prongs's pumpkin juice?" said Sirius, taking a swig of butterbeer. "It's not like her, is it, Ms Perfect Head Girl that she is. She's up to something"

"Oh, come on" said Remus "Why would Lily want to do something to James?" He sat back, thinking, _now, let's see if they can work it out_.

"Erm. Prongs, you haven't done anything to annoy Evans, have you? Or any of her friends?"

Remus smirked. _Ah, the penny dropped!_

James looked up, surprised.

"Well, I don't know. I had a thing with Andy this summer"

Sirius's head snapped round as he goggled at his best friend.

"Dare I ask how it ended, Prongs? And how you kept it from me?"

"Well, I chucked her just before coming back to school" Sirius and Remus exchanged panicked glances.

"Oh no. Oh no, oh no, oh _no_." said Sirius. "Prongs, why didn't you think of the _consequences _before you got involved with my cousin?"

"What consequences?" said James, who was now being kissed on the neck by Sherine.

"The consequences, you idiot! Andromeda isn't going to let this go! Look at who her sisters are! She may be a Gryffindor, but she can _seriously _hold a grudge" James scoffed at him.

"It was never anything serious, mate" Sirius threw his hands in the air, growling with exasperation.

"_Never anything serious?_ Prongs, this is my cousin! You played that stupid trick with the broomstick on her! She's also sharing a dorm room with Evans, I'll remind you, who probably knows something about it" James looked at him, puzzled, and then looked at Remus.

"Moony, what do you think?"

"Seriously, Prongs? I think you're in very big trouble."

XxXxX

Lily, Andromeda, Emmeline, Alice and Frank were huddled around a table in the Library, surrounded by books and thankfully ignored by the librarian, who loved Lily for always returning her books on time and often helping her sort them into the right places. Maybe that made her a goody-goody, but she also found that having teachers on her side was useful for secret meetings, uninterrupted trips to the Restricted Section, and getting gossip on other students. Oh, yes, Lily Evans wasn't as sweet as she seemed.

"Ok" Lily whispered, looking around before getting out a piece of parchment. "Let's start plotting"

XxXxX

**A/N: A couple of people have been debating with me as to whether Andromeda would be in Slytherin or not (if you'll remember, Slughorn implies that he has all of the Blacks except for Sirius in his house). Well, since she's his cousin I think this is open for debate, ****and**** I love my Andy and want to keep her in Gryffindor, so tough luck XD**


	6. Chapter 6: Thru' Stormy Weather

**A/N: Here we are- another chapter! No need to do a happy dance, or anything. Reviews will suffice. **

* * *

**Remus and Lily: Thru' Stormy Weather We Stick Together.**

James Potter certainly relished the extra powers his Head Boy badge gave him, but he wasn't too keen on the duties he had to do to maintain his position. One of which was the patrolling of the corridors at night. Occasionally he would strike lucky and stumble across a couple in a compromising position- if there was a Gryffindor involved, he'd enjoy himself by teasing them for a few weeks, but essentially turn a blind eye. If there was a Ravenclaw, he'd blackmail them into doing his homework for a few weeks. If there was a Hufflepuff, he'd discreetly whisper the story to one of the Gryffindor girls and watch with amusement as by lunchtime the next day the whole school knew. If, however, it was a Slytherin, he'd revel in hexing them apart, then liberally deducting points and handing out detentions.

Tonight, no such luck. The castle was as quiet as a graveyard, and a good deal creepier. He may have been a Gryffindor, and he had nerve, but he hated the eyes of the portraits following him as he moved around. It made him feel jumpy. As he crossed the stairwell opposite a statue of Bernardo the Barmy, he looked around to check that there was no one around, and then pulled the Marauder's Map from his pocket, whispering "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"

Lines spread out from where his wand had touched the parchment, and James whispered "Lumos" and bent to peruse the parchment. Nothing much of interest. He could see Sirius and some girl called Arielle getting it off in the Room of Requirement. Well, this was Sirius, so there wasn't likely to be another explanation. Obviously the potion the two of them had concocted had worked- although he hadn't thought of a use for his yet. Not that Sirius had left much for him. He chuckled to himself, and scanned the parchment, trying to locate his fellow prefects. He could see the fifth-year boy who also did Wednesday duties, and Narcissa Malfoy was stalking the fourth floor. Where was the other girl prefect?

He drew in a sharp intake of breath as he saw that Lily Evans was walking slowly along the corridor directly below him. He stood rooted to the spot, fighting an internal battle.

_Go and talk to her!_

_Go and prank __her!_

_It's Lily Evans!_

_She humiliated __you!_

_No one humiliates James Potter!_

He turned towards the staircase, shoving the Marauder's Map back in his pocket. _Mischief Managed. _Or it soon would be.

XxXxX

Lily walked aimlessly through the corridors. She was absolutely exhausted, so much that she couldn't actually think straight, and had long since given up on actually doing what she was supposed to. She had been filling in for another prefect's night patrols since she had been admitted to the Hospital Wing three weeks earlier. The previous night she had been kept awake by the incessant sobbing of a girl in the dormitory next to theirs, and she hadn't slept since. She wandered in the general direction of the staircase, yawning widely and stretching.

XxXxX

James paused halfway down the stairs, and leaned around the corner so he could see her. Lily was yawning, and paused next to a statue of a hog, leaning against it and rubbing her eyes. Even with dark circles under her eyes and a pale complexion, she still looked remarkably pretty, and James had to force himself to remember what she had done to him to carry doing what he was going to do. However much he laughed it off, the thought of her purposefully humiliating him made him feel furious. The thought of her being Snape's partner in Potions- even if they had been for the past four years- still made his insides hot with anger. He thought of all the times she had rejected him, even if many of those times had been in jest on his part. Taking a deep breath, he stepped forward.

XxXxX

Lily reached a statue of a hog, and collapsed against it, rubbing her eyes.

"Gawd, I'm tired" she said. She took out her wand, straightened her robes and flicked her hair out of her face, before turning towards the stairwell. Sod the patrol, she was going to bed, and she'd like to see someone try and stop her.

"Hey, Evans" she groaned, but today she was too tired even to be mean to James Potter.

"Potter, I'm not in the mo-od" she yawned. "I'm go-go-going to b-bed" she sighed and slumped against the statue. _Must... keep... eyes... open..._

"You look knackered, Evans. Here-" he conjured up a coffee and, after dropping his wand and bending to retrieve it, handed her the steaming mug. Normally Lily would have been rendered extremely suspicious by the smirk and twinkle in James's eyes- and probably would have remembered the spiked drink she had offered to him merely weeks before. But a combination of tiredness and alcohol (she had found out, after several Firewhiskies that it didn't actually help to keep her awake) made sure that she wasn't in her right mind. And James Potter intended to take full advantage of that.

She took a sip of her coffee and smiled gratefully at him. It was funny, though, she wasn't so tired anymore, but her mind seemed to be clouding over- everything was going blurry, except for the boy in front of her. Her vision of James was growing clearer and she suddenly couldn't think straight. What was it that she didn't like about him, exactly? She staggered and fell sideways, and hardly noticed that a pair of strong arms caught her and held her tight.

XxXxX

James smiled slightly. For the first time since First Year Lily was voluntarily within five feet of him, and as of yet she hadn't slapped him or spiked his drink.

_Yeah, but you spiked hers. _

_I'm hugging Lily Evans!_

_She isn't exactly hugging you voluntarily, is she?_

James quashed all thoughts from both voices in his head and focused on what he was going to do. This way, Lily wouldn't dare play any tricks, and neither would Andy, for fear he'd destroy her broomstick- which was now in his possession. He'd be safe.

If he actually managed to do it.

He drew out a camera from his bag, the telltale flash of a spell showing it hadn't been there before, but kept one arm around Lily.

_It's not Lily, it's just a random girl, not Lily-_

But then he kissed her, and all rational thought fled his brain.

XxXxX

Lily's head was spinning, and she hardly noticed when James kissed her. Well, she noticed he was kissing her, but she didn't really think of it like that. It was more something for her lips to do while her brain tried to figure out what the _hell_ was going on.

Suddenly, a bright flash and a click jolted her mind back to the present.

"Wha- what's going on?" she looked around and saw that James had his arm around her and they were walking up the stairs. "Crap. Did I pass out or something?"

James noted that the potion had worn off already, and resolved to make a few adjustments.

"Yeah" he said "You were exhausted and practically fell down the stairs. We're almost there, no need to talk" Lily nodded and slipped out from under James's arm so she could walk by herself. He grimaced. When she found out what he had done, or was planning to do, it would take a _long_ time before he'd be able to put his arm around her again.

"Jinxed Jelly" said James as he reached the Fat Lady. Lily looked at him oddly. "The password was changed at midnight" James explained, and held the portrait open so she could get through. Lily walked to the other side of the common room, and just as she reached the staircase, turned around.

"Potter?"

"Yeah?"

"Thanks. If it wasn't for you I'd be in Filch's office tomorrow. Also, thanks for not pulling any funny business. I appreciate it."

He nodded, and she walked wearily up the stairs, but he felt a bit guilty accepting her thanks.

_It's not funny business, really. __Just blackmail._

_Yeah, I'm sure __will go down well._

Clutching his head, James headed off to the boy's dormitories.

XxXxX

"Genius!" crowed Sirius as the four Marauders took the developed photographs out of the library's dark room the next morning. "Pure genius! I'd love to see Lily try and pull something on you when she finds out we have ten of _these_"

James laughed at Sirius's gleeful expression and slipped the photographs into his pocket.

"This is so cool!" squealed Peter, but, as usual, everyone ignored him.

"What do you think, Moony?" said James, waving his hand in front of Remus's face. "Did I do good or _what_?"

"What do I _think?_" said Remus, turning to James finally with a scowl. "I think you're being a right dick, Prongs. You totally took advantage of her"

"What? I took _advantage_ of her? I kissed her, I didn't rape her!"

"So? She was out of her mind, you made it _worse_, and instead of looking after her like the nice guy you want her to think you are you took a photo you can use as blackmail!" Remus shot one last disgusted look at his three best friends and stalked out of the Library.

"Wow, he's pissed off" said Sirius. "Do you think we shouldn't have told him?"

"Nah" said James, shrugging. "What can he do?"

Remus, who was still near enough to catch their last comment, smiled to himself.

_I can pay Lily back for all the times she's saved my ass_ he thought, taking the stairs to the Gryffindor Common Room two at a time.

XxXxX

"He did _what_?" Andy said. The others merely shook their heads. Lily was too disgusted for words.

"God, what a dick! He saw she was exhausted, and he twists it to his own advantage. Why did he do it?" said Emmeline, turning to Remus, who had an arm around Lily, who had her face buried in her hands.

"Him and Sirius think you're up to something" said Remus, shrugging. "Don't worry, I didn't say anything" Andy snorted derisively.

"Well, this calls for all-out war, I reckon" she said.

"And to think, I thanked the scheming bastard" Lily said, her words muffled as her head was still in her hands. "Why on Earth didn't I realise he was up to something?" Remus hugged her. The four girls and him were closeted in the girl's dormitories. Thanks to James and Sirius, he knew how to get up there- and thanks to his own friendly nature he knew how to avoid being hexed out.

"Well, it's clear what we have to do" said Alice, matter-of-factly. "We have to get those photographs back, don't we? Remus, can we count on you?" Remus took one look at Lily's furious face and nodded.

"Of course."

"Now we have even more reason to get our revenge on James and his grubby little henchman" said Andy.

Alice and Andy shot a look at each other and Emmeline reached for Lily's notebook.

XxXxX

"Oi! Prongs, Padfoot, wait up!" Remus ran down the corridor towards his two best friends. It was almost midnight- he had no idea why they were up (or did he?), and he wanted to make nice.

"Where have you been all day, Remus?" said Sirius. "We wanted your help in planning dastardly acts"

"Sorry" said Remus. "I just wanted to see if Lily was okay. Sometimes potions can leave after-effects. So, why are you two down here at this anointed hour? Late night lover's stroll?" James and Sirius both rolled their eyes.

"He wishes!" said Sirius, earning a whack on the shoulder. "We're looking for the Marauder's Map. James took it with him yesterday and hasn't seen it since. Have you?"

"No, I haven't" Remus lied. "Why don't you try Accio?"

"It didn't work" James scowled. "Which means either someone has it in a charmed drawer, or Filch has it" He sighed. "So, did you find out anything about what Evans and her mates were up to?"

"Yeah. Funnily enough, they were going to ambush you in this corridor. I don't see them anywhere, though" said Remus, trying to prevent himself from laughing.

"Probably chickened out" smirked Sirius. "I know Evans is hot and all, Prongs, but for a Gryffindor she's extremely-"

"Now, Black, do you _really _want to finish that sentence?" Sirius felt something poke against his back and spun around, to find himself face-to-face with Lily, who, while she didn't exactly look capable of murder, certainly looked mad enough to loosen a few treasured body parts with minimal guilt. James, to his right, gulped as he found himself staring at the drawn wands of the other three Gryffindor girls. Frank Longbottom and Remus had both got their own wands out as well, neither looking too happy.

"Give me the photographs, Potter, and you leave without castration" said Lily. James gulped.

"Er, what pho-"

"LEVICORPUS!" James realised that in all his years of abusing that particular spell, he had never actually been the victim of it himself.

"Accio photographs" Lily caught the stream of pictures that flew out of James' pocket, and with a flick of her wand set them all alight.

"Oh, shit" said Sirius, yelping as Andy stabbed him in the neck with her wand. "Now we're in trouble"

"You think?" said Andy, glowering at her cousin.

"You're a big fat prick, you know that, Potter?" said Frank in what he obviously considered to be a conversational tone, but from where James was, frantically trying to keep his undergarments from being exposed to the world, he sounded a lot more menacing.

Lily raised her wand with a smile, but just as she appeared about to get her revenge, her head snapped around.

"Someone's coming!" she whispered. "Remus?"

"Let's go!" hissed Remus, and James and Sirius's captors scattered. The spells on them lifted, and both picked themselves gingerly up from the floor.

"Quick!" hissed James, pulling out his Invisibility Cloak and flinging it over the two of them- not a moment too soon, for in seconds Filch had appeared, trailed by his new kitten, Mrs Norris, a replacement for Mr Winkles, who had tragically (ahem) been killed in an accidental (ahem) broom crash the year before. Which James and Sirius had had nothing to do with. Honest.

"Yes, my sweet, I heard them too. Nasty students out of bed, yes, yes, let's go and find them" Filch stopped and clutched his side, wheezing. "We'll find them and string them from their filthy ankles in the dungeons, oh yes, oh yes we will" Filch continued to mutter to himself as he and his hideous cat disappeared off through another corridor.

"That" panted Sirius "Was way too close"

XxXxX

* * *

**A/N: A bit of a longer chapter, this time. Don't feel too sorry for James, he's still a right royal prick. But who knows what will happen in the future? Oh, you do? What's that, you say, you already know James and Lily end up together? Damn, you spoilsports.**

**Thanks to my readers and reviewers:-**

**Emeraldeye****: They have a lot planned- whether it will work, is up for question!**

**Kateg123: Yes, I realised when they wrote down all the things that they wanted to destroy about him that it was going down a very Mean-Girls-y route, but don't worry, they won't be fattening James**** up on diet bars any time soon!**

**Tiggerbaby2430: Thanks for your lovely long ****review :D**** I have the same view on Andy. She's rather like a male Sirius, or another Ginny, so I thought that's where she should be :)**


	7. Chapter 7: Lily Evans is a Delinquent!

**A/N: Jeez, I only just posted Chapter Six. But I'm in a very anti-men mood, so I thought I'd carry on ;)**** People have been complaining that Lily isn't taking mean enough revenge- I'm trying, I'm trying!**

**Answering a few questions: Actually, James ****a Chaser, in the film he's a Seeker, but JKR says he's a Chaser, so I believe her holiness :D The Room of Requirement actually can show up on the map (in my mind), but because what people do in there is normally... ahem... incriminating, the Room usually makes itself Unplottable so it doesn't show up on the map. And of course, for a large portion of the time the Room isn't even there****, so...**

**Chapter Seven: Lily Evans Enjoys Delinquency**

Lily, Alice, Emmeline, Andy, Frank and Remus were sitting around a table in the Library, innocently perusing Lily's notebook.

"Quidditch, Pranking and Girls" said Lily thoughtfully. "Good grades are also a trademark of his, but I doubt we'd be able to do anything about that without getting caught, and then _we'd_ be the ones looking like idiots" The others nodded.

"This is _hopeless_" said Andromeda. "James and Sirius are the kings of the school. The guys look up to them and the girls worship at their feet. How did we ever think that we could pull this off? How?"

"Andy, come on. We humiliated him once, we can do it again"

"He also humiliated _you_" muttered Andromeda, but Lily ignored her.

"I know it only lasted three days, Andy, but you have to admit that it was worth it" said Alice.

"Come on, guys, think. Pranking. How can we destroy his confidence in pranking?" the others exchanged glances.

"Err..."

"Um..."

"We could sabotage one of his pranks" said Frank.

"Yeah, but no one would ever find out about it" pointed out Lily. "Isn't the whole purpose of this humiliating him?"

"We could tip off Filch" said Andy, smirking.

"I like it" said Lily, doodling a picture of James chained upside-down by his ankles in the dungeons next to the _Pranking_ in her notebook.

"Even better" said Alice, "We could tip off Filch, and then play their prank back on them!"

Lily's head snapped up, and she smiled broadly.

"Play their own prank on them! And they'd get blamed! _Brilliant!_" she giggled at the look on Remus's face.

"I'm glad you're on my side, Lily" he laughed.

"Au contraire, mon amie, it is I who am glad you are on _my_ side" said Lily. Remus looked up with a raised eyebrow.

"Has our Lily come up with a plan?"

"Like _hell_ I have!" she said, looking extremely satisfied with herself.

XxXxX

Sirius and James were heading with Peter down towards the Prefect's bathrooms for their latest prank, all feeling pleased with themselves.

"Where did you find the Marauder's Map, Prongs?" said Sirius, frowning.

"Moony gave it to me. Said he found it wedged in that trick stair between the fourth and fifth floors. We're damned lucky no one found it"

"Hmm" said Sirius, not convinced. "Is Remus still in absentia?"

"Yeah" said James, shaking his head. "He said he had to work on a project with someone"

"I can't _believe_ he sided with Lily Evans against us" said Sirius, looking disgusted at this ultimate betrayal. "I mean, we're his best friends!"

"Evans is his best friend too" pointed out James. "It's thanks to him that I know half of what I know about her"

"Merlin's Beard, Prongs, she's going to take out a restraining order on you one of these days. Or does she still think it's _coincidence_ that you two have the same Prefect patrol times, go to the same places in the Library, and always _happen _to be down at the Lake at the same time?"

"What can I say, I'm the epitome of discretion" James grinned. Sirius snorted.

"God, you've got a big head"

"And you _don't?_"

"I have a reason, mate. Tell me the last time a girl spiked _my_ drink with ruined potion"

"Shut up"

"In fact, tell me the last time I was rejected by a girl"

"Shut up"

"Potter, you've had more rejections from Lily Evans this term than I've had from all the girls I know in my whole life"

"I haven't even asked Evans _out_ this term!"

"Precisely, mate. Precisely"

"You prick"

"It's what I'm here for. Sure everything's ready for the prank?"

"Yep. This is going to be classic!" said James, chuckling, "Three crates of Grindylows in the Prefect's bathrooms. Oh, the looks on their faces will be legend!"

"And maybe we'll get to see some naked chicks into the bargain" said Sirius, grinning roguishly. Peter let out a shrill giggle and shrieked as he almost dropped his own crate of Grindylows on his toe. James gave him a furious glare.

"Shut it, Wormtail. Do you want us to be caught?"

"Check the Marauder's map, Prongs. I still think Evans is up to something" James raised an eyebrow, but obliged and pulled out the map. Checking it, he shook his head.

"Nope. No-one nearer than McGonagall, and she's in her office"

"Alright. Let's run through the major points while this statue of Fanwort the Flatulent is here to conceal us" said Sirius, leaning back against the statue and laying his wiggling box of Grindylows by his feet. "Gawd, that's heavy. So, what are we doing, and who's doing what?"

"Well, I'll go and open the door. Then I'll take one end of the corridor, you the other, and Peter will cart in the crates of Grindylows and stack them inside one of the changing rooms, locking the door behind him and putting an "Out of Order" sign on it"

"Why you and me? I mean, no offense, Wormtail, but we're way stronger"

"Why? Because Peter's crap at lying" said James, rolling his eyes.

"True. So, how are we going to distract people?"

"How about we tell everyone that Moaning Myrtle's flooded the bathroom and there's shit everywhere?"

"That could work"

"Okay, that's good."

"Check the coast is clear"

"Yup. We're all good."

"No Filch?"

"No Filch"

"No Filch?" the three boys spun around, and jumped out of their skin. Emerging from behind the statue of Fanwort the Flatulent (to which he bore a remarkable resemblance) was Argus Filch and his odious cat. James's mouth dropped open and he looked at the Map. No Filch. He looked at Filch. _Definitely_ Filch.

"Someone's going to get it" he hissed under his breath as Filch bore down on them.

XxXxX

The next day, James was to be found in an extremely ratty mood, as was his henchman.

"What the bloody hell happened to the map?" he wondered aloud for the millionth time.

"I don't know, James, and that's the fifth time you've asked in, what, five minutes"

"I know, I just want to know what the-"

"Tell you what" snapped Sirius "If I ever find out what the bloody hell happened to the map, I swear you'll be the first to know, now shut up and finish your breakfast" James scowled and complied.

A few minutes later, Remus came and joined them.

"Hi, guys. What's up?" he said in an innocent tone which, if you weren't excellent at reading people- which James and Sirius were not- you'd never know was covering up an evil, werewolf-like smirk.

"I'll tell you what's up" Sirius growled. "Evans is up to something!" The others both groaned.

"Evans is up to something" said James in a high-pitched, girly voice. "Which led her to curse a Map she doesn't even know about, and tip off Filch about a _prank_ that she doesn't even know about! Grow up, Padfoot!"

"You'll be eating your words if you find out that Evans actually _is _up to something" said Sirius, pouting and flicking a soggy cornflake at his best friend.

"Look, Padfoot, shut up. Let's go to lessons, and then we have Quidditch after school. She can't get us there. And then I'm going to come back and have a nice long shower to erase all trace of that revolting cat out of my system." He shuddered and Sirius nodded, depressed.

"Maybe we've just lost our touch at pranking" he said gloomily. "Are we that obvious?"

"Well, it doesn't take a genius to figure out what a few kids who nicked three crates of Grindylows in the middle of the day are planning to do" said James. "Come on, let's go to Charms"

"You meeting Sherine?" said Sirius, smirking.

"Yeah, dumping her, more like" said James. "That girl is so clingy, you wouldn't believe it"

"She couldn't have noticed that you spend all your time staring at another girl, could she?" said Remus under his breath as he followed his friends out of the Hall.

XxXxX

Later that evening, Lily and her dorm mates were playing magical Twister in the Common Room. This game was a lot like regular Twister, except if you sat down or put your knee down, you would be blasted from the mat to land looking like a complete idiot about five feet away. Which meant that quite a few of the Gryffindors were using their game as their evening entertainment.

"OK, Lil" called Alice. "Right hand purple"

"Oh, _fantastic" _said Lily, flipping over and reaching her arm under Remus to touch the purple square.

"Yeah, her hand is in a pretty incriminating place!" said Remus, struggling to stay upright when he was in a big tangled mess with three other girls.

"Don't know what you're complaining about, myself" said a hot Gryffindor from their year, smirking at Andy, who blushed and instantly collapsed. With a popping noise, she was flung from the Twister mat- and landed in his lap.

"Oh, crap!" she said, flustered, and jumped off. Lily started laughing so hard that her hand slipped- which hit Remus's foot- which kicked Emmeline's arm- which caused them all to fall over and be hurled the length of the room to crash into a few of their unsuspecting Gryffindors.

"Oh, I'm so sorry" said Lily, picking herself up off the person she had crashed into- which turned out to be Sirius Black, just come back from Quidditch with James. She took one look at the broom in his hand and gave him a deathglare that caused everyone in the vicinity to take a step back.

"Enjoying Quidditch, Black?" she sneered "The Bludgers haven't clobbered your manipulative, scheming head in yet? Pity" Sirius shared a glance with James, and beckoned to the rest of the Gryffindor team.

"Come on, guys, let's wash up before Miss Perfect Head Girl decides to make us scrub the Common Room with a toothbrush as punishment for breathing" He and James walked off, leaving Lily practically steaming at the ears.

"I _hate_ those two" she said, fuming. "I absolutely _hate _them"

"Mhm" said Andy. Lily was surprised- she was usually the first one to join in a spot of Marauder-bashing. She followed Andy's gaze to the boy who had heckled her earlier- who had his arm around a sobbing Gryffindor girl from the year below.

"Come on, Andy, focus on revenge. It makes _me_ feel better"

"Yeah" stormed Andy. "Revenge. God, I hate blondes, they always get all the good ones" she flopped, glowering, into an armchair. "Is she prettier than me?" Lily and Alice both sighed. They would never hear the end of this.

"Look, you don't even know his name, Andy, don't make this personal, it's-" Alice was interrupted by a loud shriek from upstairs- where Sirius, James and the other boys on the team had gone.

"What the-?" Emmeline, Andromeda, Remus and Alice turned to Lily, who was smirking from ear to ear.

"Just sit back" she grinned "And enjoy the show" She conjured up a bucket of popcorn and sat lazily down on one of the sofas. The First Year that ended up next to her quickly scarpered, and Andy grinned broadly.

"I have a feeling I'm going to enjoy this" she said, taking a handful of popcorn. Lily beckoned to one of the fifth-year prefects.

"Run and get Mr. Filch, would you? I have a feeling that there's something going on up there" the prefect smiled and nodded, then sprinted for the portrait hole. There were now many yells and shrieks coming from the floor above them, and thumps as though things were being toppled over.

"EVANS!" yelled someone- probably Sirius- and everyone in the common room turned to see Lily barely concealing a smirk.

"What?" she said, looking innocent.

At that moment James came sprinting down the stairs, wearing only a towel, and followed by his team mates, who were all of them similarly scantily clad. Many of them had scratches and bite marks all over their legs, and Charles Woodworth was limping in a manner that seemed to proclaim he had been attacked in a delicate area. They were also all covered in green jelly-like blobs.

"Grindylows" murmured Andromeda, snickering. Lily, beside her, stifled a giggle as James, dishevelled, tried to fight his way through hordes of guffawing students to yell at them. At that moment there was a scuffle in the portrait hole as the fifth year prefect led Argus Filch into the room.

"AHA!" he shrieked, looking completely insane. "CAUGHT-IN-THE-ACT!"

James and Sirius looked at each other, with raised eyebrows.

"Sir, do you think we'd be stupid enough to dump a bunch of Grindylows in a bathroom we intend on using?" said Sirius, fairly, but he could see that his efforts were in vain.

"SLIME all over the common room! SLIME! GRINDYLOWS! And after I confiscated them, you TOOK THEM BACK, and DID IT ANYWAY! No, it's the last time! THE LAST TIME, I TELL YOU! YOU!" he pointed at James, who jumped "and YOU!" he grabbed Sirius by the hair. "YOU'RE COMING WITH ME!" he dragged them both by the ear out of the common room.

"Sir, I'm only wearing a towel!" said James, looking panicky as he tried to keep it covering himself. Unfortunately, this merely caused everyone to laugh harder- and to his horror, Lily pulled out a camera.

"Say cheese, Potter!" she yelled, taking several pictures.

"I _told_ you Evans was up to something" Sirius was heard to say before the portrait closed.

XxXxX

**A/N: ****Mwahaha****! Dragged off by Filch wearing only a towel to be punished! Not a fate I'd wish on anyone... except ****James Potter.**

**Thanksies**** to ****iluvSEVERUS**** (I do too!), ****ANGELoINoTRAINING, ****clarealexandrea, ****Black.And. JAMESandLILLYareCUTE, ****TheRedBandit, ****emeraldeye****, nun outfits are cool, hushpuppy22, tiggerbaby2430 and ****laura**** sedai. So many reviews! -wipes away a tear- ****luv**** Riddle x**


	8. Chapter 8: Who needs enemies?

**A/N: Ach, I've had such bad writer's block you wouldn't believe it! Here's Chapter Eight, but please don't flame me if it's ****terrible :/**** I'll try and improve for next time!**

**Chapter Eight-**** With Friends Like These, Who Needs Enemies?**

A few days after the disastrous shower scene, Sirius and James still couldn't take a step without someone taking the piss out of them. Lily Evans, on the other hand, was rapidly becoming a living legend.

"Hey Evans! My boyfriend just dumped me! Could you take care of it?" was the general gist of what girls shouted after Lily in the corridors. James, on the other hand, was more likely to receive a "Hey, Potter! There's a Grindylow after you! Grab a towel, quick!" accompanied by a general roar of laughter.

It had certainly been one of the most amusing weeks of Lily's life. She found everything funny- all it took was a knowing look from Andy or Emmeline and the two of them would be off, laughing their heads off. Then their friends would probably join in, and once the other students got what you were laughing about, it would take the teachers about half an hour to retain control. Then, for the rest of the lesson, there would be a soundtrack of titters and snorts of laughter, broken by smacks or the sounds of students chocking on their own fists. In fact, several students, Andromeda included, had had to be escorted to the Hospital Wing during the course of a few days for a calming draught. In fact, in Andy's case Madam Pomfrey hadn't trusted her to return to lessons- she gave her the Draught of Living Death and got her out of everyone's hair for two days.

Luckily, Lily had managed to avoid Sirius and James most of the week, but that all finished when the weekend arrived. It was a Saturday. It was freezing cold, windy and drizzling, but did that deter all students above third year from making the trek into Hogsmeade? Not on your life. Which meant that there was about twice the building's capacity crammed in the Three Broomsticks. Which meant that many students were forced to share tables with people they normally did not socialise with. Which meant that Lily's gang were stuck on a table with the two coolest boys in the school.

Guess who Lily Evans was stuck next to.

Oh, yes. That's right. And neither of them was particularly happy about it.

"Pass the Butterbeer, Evans" said James, trying to glare at her but finding himself, as always, a bit distracted by her gorgeous emerald green eyes, and her hair, falling so softly-

_No. __Dammit. __Grindylows.__ Think of the Grindylows._

Lily sighed and thumped the butterbeer down in front of him, before returning to her discussion with Alice over the merits of the respective lead singers of the Hobgoblins and the Sisters of Sin.

"Look, Alice, I'm sorry, but Stubby Boardman beats Eddie Quinsy hands down. At least he's not gay"

"Yeah, but one look at you and he would be" muttered Sirius, who was finding it much easier to hate Lily than James was. Then, his towel had been much smaller and his ego bruised much more easily. Lily glared at him and contemplated smashing her empty butterbeer bottle over his oversized head, but Andy got there first, kicking him hard under the table, and then giggling as he jumped.

"Sorry. Spasms. It's a hereditary thing" she smirked, winking at Lily, who was stifling a giggle.

"Also, Eddie Quinsy has that annoying bed head look going on" Lily said, smiling. Andy quickly turned her laugh into a cough as she saw James trying to flatten his hair. He looked so bashful that even Emmeline's heart was softened and Alice had to restrain herself from smiling at him.

"Shut up, Andromeda" said Sirius, glowering menacingly at the pair of them. He slammed his tankard down on the table and narrowed his eyes at Lily. Their eyes met over the table and the others sat back slightly, allowing the two to battle it out. Emerald green met stormy grey as the two stared it out over the table. Lily smirked slightly and leant forward and Sirius, flushing, blinked and looked away.

"Yes, Mr Black? Something you wanted to say?" said Frank, smirking as he saw the triumphant look on her face, and stirring his Butterbeer with his wand. Everyone there knew that he was probably adding vodka, and Alice grinned before nicking his tankard and replacing it with her own.

"I just wanted to _say_, that I've had it with your funny business" said Sirius, trying to look scary, but coming out with a kind of pout. Lily looked at Andy, who looked at Emmeline, who looked at Alice, who looked at Frank, who blushed and choked on his butterbeer.

"What?" he said.

"We were trying to share a meaningful glance" said Lily, rolling her eyes, "But you totally ruined it. So, Black, what are you going to do about it?"

"Go to Dumbledore" said Sirius. "Next time you pull something, I'm getting proof and then I'm turning you in"

Everyone gaped at him.

"Are you okay, Sirius?" said Andy. "I know it was humiliating for you both, but you completely deserved it. And I thought you said "Pranksters never snitch", remember?" Sirius huffed.

"Well, then, I'll find some way to stop you"

"Stop us what?" said Lily, spoiling the innocent act by winking at Alice. "In case you haven't noticed, Black, you don't have a shred of proof to connect us to anything" Sirius and James looked at each other darkly.

"It's true" muttered James to his best friend. "They're better than us. And they're only rookies."

Sirius merely gave James a withering look and strode out.

"Well... err... 's been lovely seeing you all" said James cheerily, but was greeted by five blank stares. He picked up his cape and hurriedly followed Sirius. Alice, with a slightly tipsy squeal, picked up his butterbeer and drained it in one go, before tottering off to the bar for more. Lily sat back in her chair, smiling slightly, and watching the rain lash against the window. More students piled into the pub every second, and cries of "Crap. I'm sorry!", "Get off my foot!" and "Excuse me, that's _my_ butterbeer, and it has medication in it" resounded through the room. The bartender, whose daughter was in the year below Lily, looked delighted at this unexpected windfall and was chucking crisps and tankards of butterbeer around with almost indecent enthusiasm.

The others, laughing slightly as he slipped on a discarded muffin and went flying into a surprised looking goblin, started chatting happily again, when they were interrupted by a cough behind them. Andromeda, looking up, went scarlet- it was the good-looking guy from the Gryffindor common room, with the girl he'd had his arm round.

"Erm, can we talk to you guys?" said the girl, shyly.

The girl, who was slight and blonde, lowered herself into James's chair and the boy took Sirius's. He was tall, with sexy messy hair and blue eyes, and Andy couldn't take her eyes off him. Lily elbowed her lightly in the side.

"Sure" said Lily, surprised. "What's up?"

"Well..." the boy looked at the girl, and nodded towards her.

"Why do I have to ask?" muttered the girl

"Because it's you who wants help, you idiot" said the boy, rolling his eyes and draining the rest of his butterbeer in one go. "I'd be happy to pummel the life out of him for you"

"You look familiar" said Frank. "You're both in the year below us, aren't you?"

"Yes" said the boy. "I'm Ted Tonks, this is Sherine"

"Nice to meet you" said Andy, but she was looking at Sherine as though it was anything but.

"Likewise" said Ted, before glaring at Sherine to continue.

"Erm. Lily, you're the one I wanted to talk to. I kind of need some help" said the girl, blushing prettily. Lily could feel Andy's hatred increasing by the second. Blonde, pretty and blushing. Lily was surprised her friend hadn't chucked all her butterbeer right back up yet.

"What kind of help?" said Lily, frowning. "I'm not actually acting as a tutor this year, if that's what you want; I'm too busy with Head Girl's duties"

"No, that's not what I meant" said Sherine, going scarlet "Although I probably need it. No, I want help getting revenge on this guy that I was dating. My brother and I want to help" Andy let out an audible sigh of relief which Lily covered loudly by saying

"Who's the guy?"

"James Potter, of course" The reaction was hilarious. Emmeline fell off her chair, Alice choked on her fourth mug of butterbeer, Frank practically yelled in shock, and Andy dropped her muffin. Lily, however, remained calm.

"Why? What did he do to you?"

"What he usually does, I bet" said Andy. "Lied about whether he liked her, and then dumped her by saying "there's only one girl for me, and it's not you". Am I right?" Sherine looked in astonishment at Andy, who smiled at her, all animosity forgotten now that she was no longer a rival.

"Yes"

"Point is" said Ted "We were wondering whether you were planning on doing anything else, and what we could do to help" his eyes met Andy over the table, and she turned, flustered, to Lily, who answered.

"Well, we were thinking of doing something maybe at the next Quidditch match" she said, unsure.

"Excellent" said Ted, sitting back with a satisfied air.

"Hm?" said Frank, looking at him. "You think you can help?"

"Damn straight" said Ted. "I'm the commentator"

Lily smirked.

XxXxX

Later that day, once everyone had fought their way back through a raging gale to Hogwarts, the group met, as planned, in the Restricted Section of the Library.

"Ok" whispered Lily as they assembled. "Let's- wait, who's missing?" Remus did a quick head count and smirked.

"Andy and Ted" The others laughed and Lily stuck her head between the bookshelves to check for intruders. After shooting a Lily Evans Glare at a curious fourth year, who dropped the book he was holding and scarpered, causing her to feel guilty and sprint after him to apologise, she returned to the table.

"New plan. How about we abandon the meeting and go take the piss out of them instead?"

"The only thing I'd rather do involves an international celebrity and two pots of chocolate sauce" said Sherine. "And since that celebrity has been dead quite a while, I think this is a better plan. Let's go!"

* * *

**A/N ****Was**** that as bad as I thought it was? Sorry if it was! Next time, hopefully the Quidditch ****match :D**

**Thanksies**** to... ****queen.of.queens****, JAMESandLILLYareCUTE, ****ANGELoInoTRAINING, ****IluvSEVERUS, ****emeraldeye****, nun outfits are cool, ****Yep.Morgan.It.Is****, tiggerbaby2430, ****clarealexandrea, ****TheRedBandit**** and ****laura**** sedai. You guys rock and make me happy dance :D**


	9. Chapter 9: Good God, It's a Bludger!

**A/N: Ever had that thing when you sit down to write and simply can't concentrate? I thought Solitaire would help me focus, but I was terribly wrong. And my win rate is 4. How pitiful is that?!**

**Chapter Nine: ****Good God, it's a Bludger**

It was a windy, sunny day, and the whole of Hogwarts had gleefully abandoned the confines of the castle for the first Quidditch match of the season. Gryffindor versus Slytherin. Brains versus Brawn.

Or, rather, Testosterone Versus Testosterone.

"Can you see them?" hissed Sherine, who looked a lot scarier when she was hell bent on revenge and not sobbing her baby blue eyes out. Lily held up her binoculars and scanned the changing room door, trying to avoid the people jumping up and down in front of them.

"Nope" she whispered. "Andy? Can you see Potter?"

No answer.

"ANDY! Will you take your binoculars off the commentator's podium for like _two seconds _and focus on the mission?" Andromeda jerked and swore as she whacked herself on the nose with her binoculars and the others all smirked. Andy was famously anti-men, and her recent antics had proved her to be the world's biggest hypocrite if a hottie was involved.

"AAAND HERE COME THE TEAMS!" yelled Ted suddenly from the commentator's podium. "SLYTERIN!" three-quarters of the school cheered heartily as the green-clad Slytherin team came onto the pitch. Their team was notoriously bad and the Gryffindors very good, so the Hufflepuffs and Ravenclaws were firmly on the side of the serpents.

Ted proceeded to name all of the Slytherin team members, but the others didn't notice. They were all crowded together deep in conversation, several of them holding pointy implements that were inspiring nervous glances from their surrounding students. However, they were only to be used as a last resort, as Lily constantly had to explain every time Andy thought of her cousin taking her place on the team and made a very violent gesture in midair.

"AAAND HERE'S THE GRYFFINDORS!" yelled Ted. "Black, Quiney, Nixon, Sandford, Park, King and... POTHEAD!" the entire stadium roared with laughter and the Slytherin captain yelped as James crushed his hand. McGonagall shot a glare at Ted, who smirked and said "Oh... yeah, sorry about that, Potter. I heard about you and Black in the Room of Requirement, see, and-"

"TONKS!" yelled McGonagall, waving her arms madly. Dumbledore, in the row behind, noted with disapproval that she was wearing two different kinds of tartan. Horrific. He preened his lilac and turquoise robes with a self-satisfied air and tweaked his sparkly hat so it looked a little jauntier. He smiled broadly at Minerva, who blinked and brushed an imaginary strand of hair out of her eyes. The rest of the stadium was resounding with the sound of laughter.

In the Gryffindor stands, Lily and her friends were happily anticipating the day's revels.

"This will be bloody brilliant" said Emmeline, her happiness evident by the fact she had- drum roll- sworn.

"You can say that again" said Lily, pulling out her wand as Ted yelled "THEY'RE OFF!"

She pointed her wand at James and said some complicated sounding spells, but if the others were expecting something spectacular, they were sadly disappointed, as James merely gave a kind of involuntary twitch and dived after the Quaffle.

"Lily. Revenge, please" said Sherine, looking at Lily with a slightly puzzled expression.

"Sherry, be patient, my love. We will prevail. This Quidditch game is only _part _of the magic" she sat back with a satisfied sigh.

XxXxX

High above the clouds, James Potter felt the exhilaration and adrenaline rush that only a Quidditch game could bring. Well, Sirius swore that sex could do it too, but James had rather limited experience in that area, as every girl he had ever got close to soon figured out that he was picturing someone else in his head and treated him accordingly.

Back to the adrenaline rush, James grinned. It was just another Quidditch match, and no one could touch him. The wind even messed his hair up for him. He glanced down over the crowds, and his eyes were automatically drawn to the Gryffindor stand, and the copper-coloured splotch that he knew was the top of Lily's head. His gut constricted as he thought she might have something planned for this match, but he shoved that thought aside. Lily Evans was a good girl. She wouldn't do anything in front of all these teachers.

It's funny how arrogance can cloud the judgement.

When Mr Maudlin released the balls, James shot after the Quaffle straight away. He always liked to be in possession of the Quaffle, as Captain. But this time, he was to be sorely disappointed.

He reached out his hands for the red leather ball, which shot between them, whacked him around the face, and then ricocheted off into the hands of a Slytherin, who promptly shot off towards the goalposts.

"What the hell are you _doing_, Potter?" screamed Annabelle Quiney, furiously beating a Bludger at the offending Chaser, who shrieked and crashed into a goal post, dropping the Quaffle, which was immediately picked up by William Sandford.

"I don't know what happened, it was a slip of the hand, alright?" roared James. "Back to the bludgers! Now!"

"And it seems that Pothead- Potter's taking out the embarrassment of that little _slip_ on his best Beater" said Ted, his sarcasm echoing over the stands. "Of course, we're all sorry that Andromeda Black isn't on the team this season. Perhaps Potter was embarrassed that a little girl knocked ten people off their brooms in last season's finals, and yet Gryffindor _still _lost by a margin of two hundred?" James ground his teeth and Sirius whacked a Bludger at the commentator's podium, but they couldn't drown out the derisive sniggers from the audience. Even Dumbledore didn't so much as blink when Sirius's Bludger knocked his hat off, although he probably wouldn't have remained as calm had he known he still had his hairnet in. He merely gave a sort of superior sniff. Sometimes he thought Hogwarts would be better with no pupils.

"Dear me, Black, you missed" said Ted into the microphone, smirking evilly, unaware that Andromeda's binoculars, to Lily's despair, were yet again trained on him. Lily made a move to grab them, but then gave up. She didn't want to be on the receiving end of Andy's temper, which seconded only hers in infamy.

Back over the pitch, seething, James dove again for the Quaffle, which had just been knocked his way by Sandford. His fingers reached out, his hands started to close around the ball, but it seemed to follow a whim of its own and flew away into the waiting grasp of a Slytherin Chaser.

"WHAT THE-?" his question was left unfinished as the Quaffle flew his way again. He sped after it, reached out, and was rewarded by a smack in the face as the ball bounced off him into the stands to a roar of laughter. Trying to stem the flow from his bleeding nose, he looked around and saw Lily and her friends collapsed with laughter in the Gryffindor stands.

"GODDAMMIT!" he yelled, eyes watering from the pain in his nose. "Sirius! What the bloody hell do we do? She's cursed me!"

"You've been Imperturbed, mate" called Sirius. "I can't remove it, only she can. Work it to your advantage. You know you can do it, you're the best player in the school!" he dove after a Bludger and pummelled it towards the Slytherin keeper.

James nodded, and flew after the Quaffle. This time, instead of trying to grab the Quaffle, he raised his fist and brought it up at an angle. The red ball, repelled by his fist, flew away- and straight through the middle goalpost.

Lily, in the Gryffindor stand, let out a shriek of frustration as the Gryffindors began to catch up, and were soon tied on one hundred and ninety points with the Slytherins.

"NEW PLAN!" she yelled in Sherine's ear over the roar of their housemates.

"WHAT?" Sherine shrieked, her furious blue eyes on James.

"CONFUND THEM!" shrieked Lily. "TEMPORARY ONES, SO THE TEACHERS DON'T NOTICE! YOU TAKE BLACK!" Sherine nodded and drew out her wand, hiding it in her lap, but surreptitiously pointing it at Sirius.

Just as James was about to reach to hit the Quaffle again, Lily removed the Imperturbable Charm, and the Quaffle dropped like a stone to the waiting Slytherin chaser. James roared with annoyance and dived after it, but went spinning off in confusion to collide with his Keeper, allowing the Slytherin Chaser a clear shot, which he took. Soon both James and Sirius were flying in the wrong directions, banging into other players, and generally fouling up the game.

"Well" said Ted loudly "This game certainly _is_ a surprising turn of events. The best team at Hogwarts being beaten by the worst!"

"Shut up, Mudblood!" screeched the captain of the Slytherin team, but Ted laughed in his face. He was having the time of his life, and had the whole crowd on his side.

"I think we should have a song!" yelled Ted happily. "U-G-L-"

"TONKS!" roared McGonagall, but the damage had been done and the teachers were starting to lose control. It only took a Slytherin Chaser chucking the Quaffle at Ted's head, knocking him off his feet, to provoke Andy into firing a hex at the Slytherin stand, which was immediately returned by about ten other pupils-

McGonagall cast a Calming Charm, but the stadium had descended into chaos.

"Will you look at that!" roared Ted "I think this is Hogwarts' first Quidditch riot since 1672! Isn't that right, Madam Hooch?" he didn't listen to Hooch's murmured agreement; he was having too much fun watching the school-wide duel.

Over the stadium, James spotted something circling a goal post directly in front of the Gryffindor stand.

"NIXON!" he yelled "OVER THERE!"

Timothy immediately rocketed towards the Snitch, but the Slytherin seeker wasn't far behind, and was gaining on Tim's battered Silver Arrow easily. Annabelle immediately sent a Bludger speeding his way, which he easily ducked, but the job was done as he smashed into a goalpost and Tim caught the Snitch. The Bludger, however, rocketed into the Gryffindor stands. Lily looked up in surprise, and her eyes widened in the instance before a dull _thud_ echoed around the stadium, unheard by the yelling and screaming students around her.

XxXxX

**A/N: ****As**** you can imagine, I've been really busy- work experience, prom (alone) etcetera. I'm sorry you had to wait for a while, and I'm sorry to say that for a month or so my updates are going to be quite slow, because I have holidays and suchlike to go on. But I hope you enjoyed this chapter, ****m'dears****, and thanks to**** howdy, ****ShinigamiYuki****, brooke-ella1690, laura sedai, JAMESandLILLYareCUTE, serpentqueen92, ****ANGELoInoTRAINING****, hushpuppy22, ****ArcticFire,****TheRedBandit****, It's Annie, ****musiclover**** Valerie, ****clarealexandrea****, nun outfits are cool, ****queen.of.queens**** and yep.morgan.it.is**** for reviewing!**


	10. Chapter 10: A Very Rude Awakening

**A/N:**** Yes, I know, it took a while. Hope you like it, and thanks to everyone who reviewed! I love you guys! It's not all that long, but hopefully the next one will be. I'm not sure how much longer this will last, depends where the muses take me...**

Chapter Ten: A Very Rude Awakening

Lily Evans and the Bloody Baron were sailing in a little boat on the Black Lake. Lily was dressed in her _Pride and Prejudice_ best, including bonnet, and the Baron had donned James Potter's Quidditch robes for the event. Lily wasn't quite sure what the event _was_, but she knew that the Giant Squid, who was wearing a pink and yellow polka-dot top-hat, was also likely to be attending. However, he seemed to be in a bad mood.

She headed towards him in her kayak (where had the little boat gone, and where was the Baron?), concerned by the frown on his face. A small part of her subconscious protested that squids didn't really _have_ faces, but it was quashed when the squid fixed her with one baleful eye and smacked her over the head with a tentacle. Lily panicked as she felt the suckers over her face, she couldn't breathe, and her bonnet had fallen off-

Her eyes snapped open. There was someone in front of her.

She shrieked when she recognized James Potter, and he yelped and fell off his chair. While he picked himself off the floor, grumbling about banshees, Lily tried to form some coherent thoughts.

Her first was _where the hell did my bonnet go?_

Not good. Her head was messed up.

Her next was _I need the loo_.

At least it made sense. She sat up with a groan.

"Are you alright?" said James, waving to Madam Pomfrey, who bustled towards them when she realized Lily was awake, but stopped to tend to a First Year who seemed to have sprouted Devil's Snare in place of hair and was being throttled by her own pigtail. He looked awake, though he was pale and there were dark circles under his eyes.

"Yeah- yeah, I'm OK. What happened?"

"Err- you were knocked out by a Bludger. Cracked your skull and four ribs, punctured a lung, broke your arm and Merlin knows what else"

Lily winced.

"Why are you here?" James squirmed and didn't meet her eyes.

"Err, the others are out and asked me to keep an eye on you"

"How long have they been _out_ for? Three days?" said Lily shrewdly, and James reddened even more, self-consciously ruffling his hair.

"Err... ahem. Well, since I'm on babysitting duty, and have taken _such_ good care of you"- Lily shifted uneasily- "any chance of you calling off your little revenge?"

"It isn't _mine_, it's for everyone you've ever pissed off" said Lily, smirking as James paled.

"Well, everyone who you've pissed off who I get on with" she conceded. He visibly relaxed and sat with a sigh against her bedpost, causing her to squeak in pain and grab her head.

"Evans? Are you ok?" said James again, looking concerned.

"Yeah" said Lily, clutching her head, "just still recovering from the shock of waking up next to _you_" James chuckled.

"Yeah, must be a shock for any girl to wake up next to me. You probably thought you were still dreaming, eh?" it was now Lily's turn to laugh, although the effort hurt her head.

"And how _are_ things on Planet You Wish?" she said, making a feeble attempt to sit up.

"Pretty good. I just fed Rodolphus and Rabastan Lestrange to a Chimaera and we're having treacle tart for lunch" said James, grinning.

"What about Bellatrix Black?" said Lily, remembering the very public duel between Sirius and his cousin on top of the Hufflepuff table the previous Halloween.

"Well, I wouldn't feed her to a Chimaera, because, frankly, that's cruelty to animals. I have orchestrated her destruction by slow dissolving in a vat of Basilisk venom and Bubotuber pus. Her sister will be forced to dye her hair Weasley red and attend the Malfoy ball in men's dress robes before being chucked off a speeding broomstick at high altitude" Lily raised an eyebrow.

"You're a sadistic bastard, you know that, Potter?"

"Yes, I do. It's one of the many reasons that feisty vixens such as yourself always seem to be so magnetically attracted to me"

"You're passable at Quidditch, Potter, but humility isn't a strength of yours, you know"

"Well, let's just pass that useless trait by, then"

"You really don't make use of your skills in the field of pranking, you know, Potter. You ought to start an assassination firm"

"Or join the Aurors, and destroy the Ministry from within!"

"You could be a spy amongst the Death Eaters!"

"Nah, I'd rather go to the grave in possession of all my private parts, thanks"

"Join the Mafia, then!"

"The _what_?"

Lily then proceeded to give a description of the Mafia, which she had a pretty thorough knowledge of- having made many attempts at contacting the criminal organisation during her last year at Muggle junior school in hopes they could dispose of her sister for her in return for her birthday money. James seemed almost indecently interested, and Lily was halfway through listing the major mob bosses when she was interrupted by a loud shriek from the door behind her.

"LILY!" The next second James had been hurled the length of the ward to land on a slug-spewing Hufflepuff Third Year as Andromeda, Emmeline, Alice, Ted, Sherine and Frank burst in, all clutching various items that they had obviously bought in Hogsmeade. Lily realised she must have been unconscious for an entire week- or, she realised as she saw the glimmer of an Invisibility Cloak under Frank's rucksack, they had simply snuck out.

"OHMYGODWEWERESOWORRIED!" screamed Andy, leaping on her best friend, who started to choke under the weight of what seemed to be Honeydukes's entire 'Unusual Flavours' section until Ted pulled Andy off her and sat her down in James's vacated seat, then silenced her with a wink. Lily gaped at him in admiration.

"How did you _do_ that?"

"What?"

"Shut her up!"

"Oh" Ted smirked. "I have my methods"

James, who had by then Vanished all the slugs on his robes, grinned roguishly at him and gestured towards Lily behind her back.

"I'm sure I'd like to try out some of those _methods_ myself. But since you guys are back and Evans is OK, I'm going to go and catch up on three day's sleep. Later" he picked up his cloak and walked from the room, staggering slightly.

"We've just been to Hogsmeade, Lil, _look_!" squealed Andromeda dumping a load of sweets into Lily's lap. Lily ignored her and addressed Alice instead.

"Has Potter really been here since the match?"

"Yup, three days, and he hasn't slept a wink!"

"Look! New fudge, Lil!"

"I mean, _Stalkerish_, much? Cute, and all. You know, he carried you all the way up from the Quidditch pitch"

"Vanilla, see, and there's some blood lollipops-"

"Dumbledore would probably have done it, but he was trying to stop Andy murdering Sirius-"

"I mean, I know you don't like them, but they were on two for the price of one, so-"

"And there was a full-scale riot going on, so basically we were getting people to the Hospital Wing by any means possible-"

"Actually, I reckon they're kind of an acquired taste, because I tried one for the hell of it and now I'm _addicted-_"

"You're one of the lucky ones, you know, Ernest Davies got hit with a Hurling Hex and his little brother used a Shrinking Solution to make him light enough to carry-"

"You know, I don't think there are any left after all"

"- and, as far as I know, he's in that matchbox on Madam Pomfrey's desk. I hope she hasn't forgotten about him..."

The group lapsed into silence, punctuated by Frank's gleeful laugh as he discovered that Ernest was indeed in the box on the desktop.

"So, what happened when I got hit?" said Lily, taking some vanilla fudge from Andromeda's bag and settling herself back against her pillows.

"Well, You fell off the stands" said Emmeline "And I was just about to start screaming my head off when James practically _dive-bombed_ you and caught you just before you hit the ground!"

Sherine gave a muffled sob.

"We were so scared for you, Lily!" she said, looking so small and helpless that Andromeda clenched her fists in the blankets and Lily gave her an impulsive hug. Sherine was a bit irritating, to be sure, but she wouldn't hurt a fly.

"Sherine was so scared she didn't notice that Narcissa Black was about to hex her" commented Emmeline. "And got knocked out cold. Darryl Spinnet carried her to the Hospital Wing; she was let out the next day, though, it was only a Jelly Legs Jinx and a few nasty swellings" Sherine threw herself at Lily, howling.

"You were lucky you missed most of it" said Alice. "It was _so_ stressful. Dumbledore took hours to calm everyone down. We all had to help clean- _Frank, what are you doing?_"- Frank dropped Ernest back in the matchbox with a scowl- "We had to help clean up the Quidditch pitch. There were body fluids everywhere. It was so disgusting"

"Look, guys, Lil needs sleep" said Ted, smiling at Andy then pulling her after him. The others went, leaving Lily alone with a pile of sweets.

She was halfway through a pile of Fudge Flies when she realised, with a shock, that she had had a civil conversation with James Potter, and had not thought about revenge since.

_What was the world coming to?!_

XxXxX

**A/N: Just remembered- a spaz attack is due because HARRY POTTER AND THE DEATHLY HALLOWS IS ONLY FOUR DAYS AWAY!**

**(squee) - Riddle Xx**


	11. Chapter 11: Detention Again

**A/N: (SPOILERS, in case you lot are mega slow at reading) OMG! Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows! (squee)**** So man****y theories were right! Top of the list, of course, was Lily and Snape, which I have always been a staunch supporter of, and you got an inkling of in this fanfic (of course, they've fallen out by now, but are**** still tentative acquaintances), although I was woefully wrong in my belief that Neville would kill Bellatrix (JKR's way was better, though!)**

**By the way, I'm sorry that Ted's hair colour is wrong, but I'm not changing it. He can have dyed it brown in a fit of teenage rebellion. And as I haven't actually described Andy yet, I'm sure she'll be HP7-compatitable. I'm miserable about what happens to her in HP7, though, but at least she has a grandkid to raise! Yay!**

**Chapter Eleven: Detention Again**

"Dammit, dammit, _dammit!_"

Lily was in Defence Against the Dark Arts, partnered with James for the first time in four years. Totally against her will- but she found James' efforts at a non-verbal _Tan__t__allegra_ highly amusing- especially since the little prank she had pulled on him at the start of term.

"Concentrate, Mr Potter, _concentrate_!" squeaked Professor Gribbles, a highly excitable part-goblin who took it as an insult to his father's race whenever his students made a mistake. He had decided that their non-verbal spells were woefully inadequate, and was doing his best to remedy this situation by having them practise thoroughly irrelevant spells until they were blue in the face.

James scowled and pulled out his wand, pointed it at Lily, and then banged his head against the table when nothing happened.

"I believe, Mr Potter, that perhaps your partner is having an effect on your spell-casting ability" said Gribbles, in a rare moment of perceptiveness.

"What?" spluttered Lily, going scarlet "I'm not doing _anything_!"

"I know, Miss Evans" said Gribbles, scowling. "Nevertheless, you are providing an unforgivable distraction!"

"Whaaaat?" she whined. "It's not my fault if he's too busy eyeing me up to do any work! He's just a big perv!" Behind James, who had turned a shade of red pretty similar to Lily's hair, Alice grinned appreciatively, and Sirius was smirking uncontrollably.

"That's _enough_, Miss Evans!" squeaked Gribbles furiously, jumping onto a table in order to look slightly more intimidating. "You and Mr Potter will come to detention, seven o'clock this evening, when _he_ will practise the spell, and _you _will attempt to keep your mouth shut!"

Lily squeaked in indignation, but Gribbles had already turned around to praise Snape, who he doted on ("Because of their mutual dislike of shampoo", Sirius usually insisted) and so she was forced to sit back in her seat and glare at the back of his overlarge head.

XxXxX

"Lily! Hey, Lily!" Lily turned around to see James hurrying down the dark corridor towards her.

"Where are we headed?" he asked, panting slightly. Lily gave him a surprised look- she had never known him to raise a sweat on account of detention.

"Classroom Twelve"

"Ah, the one with the big mirror in it? I know it. Shows me and you in a very compromising position every time I look at it"

"Really? Me too!" James stopped dead and banged into a large pillar. "I don't think we're referring to the same kind of compromising position, though. For one, I'm holding a large chainsaw and you're missing both your legs" James laughed, shaking his head, his cheeks slightly red.

"You're the one that should be in the Mania, Lily"

"Mafia"

"Whatever" she rolled her eyes and looked interestedly at all the portraits they passed- a novelty that had never worn off in her six years as part of the wizarding world. James kept sneaking sidelong glances at her out of the corner of his eyes.

"You know, I'm surprised you haven't brought out the chainsaw already. I've called you Lily several times in the past few minutes; I thought I wasn't allowed to do that?"

"Times change. You _did_ save my life"

"Is that... a _thank you_ from Lily Evans?!" he grinned, pretending to faint against the banister.

"Jeez, cool it; I haven't agreed to _marry_ you"

"Yet" he said, smiling at her. She sighed in exasperation, but he thought he saw one corner of her mouth tilt up, and he walked with a slight spring in his step as they descended a staircase to the third floor- that is, until he sunk through a trick stair and dropped his bag as he tried to free himself without looking too much of an idiot.

"Smooth, Potter" giggled Lily. "Stop wiggling or you'll be there till Christmas. Here- _Wingardium Leviosa_" James slid out from the stair and she levitated him to the one below, and then handed him his bag, waving her wand so that the sweets that had spilt everywhere flew back into it.

"To tide us through detention" he explained as she raised an eyebrow. He tried to take a step but he seemed to have twisted his knee.

"Here" said Lily, offering him an arm which he leant on while she quickly fixed his knee with her wand. "Does it still hurt?"

"Aw, kiss it better" he said, eyes dancing wickedly.

"Shut it or you're going back down the stair" she said, laughing. "And do you _honestly_ think Professor Grumbles will let us have sweets in detention?"

"We don't have Gribbles" said James, wincing as he put pressure on his knee. "Never go in for a job at St Mungo's, by the way. No, Gribbles runs the Duelling Club for the First Years, so Nearly Headless Nick's keeping an 'eye' on us" Lily rolled her eyes.

"Yeah, but you know how touchy he is about food!" she said, giving a packet of Droobles' Best Blowing Gum a disapproving look. James grinned at her.

"Aw, come on, Miss Perfect Head Girl, you _know_ you're hungry" she laughed and the pair of them entered Classroom Twelve, where Nearly Headless Nick was fast asleep. Lily looked surprised.

"Nick? Nick?" he continued snoring.

"I didn't think ghosts needed to sleep?" said James, puzzled.

"I already took the liberty of blowing a puff of vaporised Calming Draught in here at lunch" said Lily. "Of course, it was meant to be for Professor Gribbles, but it seems to have worked just as well on Nick"

She sat down, taking out a copy of _Magical Man-Eating Monsters_. James couldn't help but fix her with a gaze that was on the verge of reverent.

XxXxX

"Oh, for heaven's sake, James. You're supposed to be _avoiding_ points!" Lily was at the end of her tether- Nick had woken up and insisted they did something educational, so she decided to teach James how to play Hearts. He, however, didn't seem bothered by his failure so far to do anything other than miss shooting the moon by two points, because he was smiling at her.

"James?"

"Huh?"

"You just called me James"

"Dammit. Sorry, Potter"

"No, I like it. Call me James."

"Oh, fine, then, but not in public. Your turn, Nick"

"Eight of Diamonds" said Nick. He was hardly paying attention to Lily and James's banter- he thought that after five hundred years of practise, he should win every game. He wasn't.

"Queen of Spades!" said James happily. "And Spades is trumps! So I win!"

"You know, if we were betting on this game..." said Lily dryly, eyeing James's solid gold watch. Nick looked at James in disgust.

"Head Boy. HEAD BOY, Potter! And after an hour you still don't get that _POINTS ARE BAD!_"

"Sir Nicholas!" Professor McGonagall was standing in the doorway, looking shocked. Nick had been so mad that his head had fallen off and he was yelling upside-down. James actually looked rather scared. "I came here to say that Lily and James are-" but she was interrupted by a loud crash from the floor above. "Free to go..." she looked around, bewildered, and then heard a screech of

"PEEVES!"

"Oh, for heaven's sake..." she sighed. "Sir Nicholas, if you could fetch the Bloody Baron... Potter, Evans, stay here, I need to discuss patrol changes with you" she swept out of the room and James picked up his cards.

"So... I got fifty-two points... that's good, right? How many did you get?"

"Two"

"Oh..."

XxXxX

An hour and a half later, the castle was still ringing with the sound of Peeves causing chaos. In Classroom Twelve, Lily and James were experimenting with alternative tunes for the school song.

"I reckon the Darth Vader tune" said Lily.

"The what?"

"Ho-og-warts, Hog-gy War-ty Ho-og-warts... no. It doesn't work"

"I agree"

"But then, this is Dumbledore, it's _supposed_ to sound insane"

"Very, very true. I remember he was there at my careers consultation. He suggested I should be a Muggle doctor, because I have illegible handwriting"

"What, with your Mafia career awaiting you?"

"I suppose it's always good to have a back up!" James grinned. "I'm lucky, my parent's money means I can pretty much choose what I do" Lily nodded. "So how about you?" He got a chair and straddled it, facing Lily who was perched on the back of a chair and leaning against the gigantic cloth-covered mirror, absent-mindedly twirling a strand of coppery hair.

"How about me what?"

"What are you going to do when you leave? It's not that long away"

"I don't know. Maybe be an Auror, or something, but I don't much fancy working for the Ministry. I'd like to travel a bit. I don't know, really" she sighed. "My parents don't mind what I do, as long as I give them grandchildren" she laughed "Happy thought!" James grinned.

"Well, if you never find the right guy, you know-"

"Shut it!" she laughed.

"No, _you_ shut it! You brought it up!"

"Yeah, and now I'm un-bringing it up"

"You can't do that"

"Watch me, Potter!"

"I thought we agreed on James?"

"Yeah, before you started making offers of- _will you stop looking at that mirror_? You're giving me the creeps!" James laughed

"Yeah, with good reason. You know, our son has your eyes"

"Eww! James!" she laughed and blushed bright red.

"Haha! I got it back!" he crowed. She gave him a look of disdain and sat back again.

"Shut up, Potter!"

"Dammit. What do I have to do to get you to call me James again?"

"Hmm... stop pissing me off" she said. "I know it'll be hard"

"I have a better idea!" he said grabbing her by the wrist and looking her in the eyes. Suspicious green met warm, laughing hazel.

"What?" she said, her eyes narrowed.

"I threaten to kiss you if you don't" Her jaw dropped.

"You _wouldn't_" he moved an inch closer and her eyes widened.

"Ok, Ok! James, James, James!" he laughed as she curled into a ball in apparent terror.

"You're cute"

"Prick"

"Er- Lily?" both spun around. Severus Snape was in the doorway. As soon as he recognized James, his eyes narrowed and he stepped back, looking at Lily in disbelief.

"Severus?" said Lily, in surprise.

"I have to talk to you" he said, ignoring James completely. "It's really urgent. Dumbledore sent me"

"In case you haven't noticed, Severus, you and I are no longer friends" she said, straightening up, eyes flashing. "Spit it out"

"Lily- no, this is really-" Snape's dark eyes were full of hurt.

"_What?_" Lily said, standing up.

"It's- I overheard- it's news from home- bad news-" Lily caught her breath and stood up.

"Very... very bad?"

His eyes said it all.

"Lily, it's your parents"

Before either of the boys could move, Lily had fled the room.

XxXxX

**A/N: Oooh, cliffie! Thanks SO much to emeraldeye, clarealexandrea, InMemoryOfFredWeasley (I cried so hard!), appygirl210, serpentqueen92, TheRedBandit, IluvSEVERUS (OMG did that make you cry or WHAT?? I was in FLOODS!)****, JAMESandLILLYareCUTE and laura sedai for your reviews! Riddle xxx**


	12. Chapter 12: Dumbledore's Meddling

**A/N. ****I'm on the plane right now headed for San Francisco! ****Yay****! I'm also going to Vegas, and Death Valley, and all sorts of places. You Americans sure do know how to shop. Every time I get in a mall I have a mini-embolism. **

**Riddle Xx**

**Chapter Twelve: Albus Dumbledore is a Manipulative Git and We All Know It!**

**(Or, that was a Very Long Chapter Title and You Know ****It!)**

It was the penultimate day of the Autumn Term, and Lily hadn't been seen by her friends for almost three weeks.

"Are you sure she won't be back before we have to leave?" said Sherine, looking miserable.

"She's coming back next week" said Andy, though she, too, looked anxiously around as though Lily was about to pop out of the fireplace.

"Poor thing" said Remus. "And just before Christmas, too."

"At least her parents are okay, though..." said Alice "It could have been worse. People can get killed in car accidents"

"Oh, yeah, because cracked skulls, ribs, ruptured lungs and crushed femurs are _trivial_" said Remus.

"I'm not saying it isn't terrible for Lily and her sister, I'm just _saying_, it could be _worse_!" said Alice, blushing. "You're acting like I said 'Oh, Lily's parents almost died and are both going to be in hospital until Easter, big deal'!"

"What?" gasped Emmeline, who had just joined them.

"It's- it's not- oh, never _mind_!" huffed Alice.

"But poor Lily" sighed Sherine. "I haven't seen my parents since Easter, or I'd offer to stay and keep her company. At this rate, there'll only be Snape to keep her company, and we all know how _that_ little fling turned out"

"Fling?" said James, who had just collapsed into an armchair by the fire. He extracted the squashed owl from where he had just sat, and then turned back to Sherine. "I never knew that!"

"Hardly anyone does" shrugged Sherine. "It wasn't much, really. He kissed her under the mistletoe in Fifth Year, and then kept trying to take it further; he's always been smitten with her. She might have gone along with it if he hadn't called her Mudblood that time" James gaped at her.

"Lily and _Snivellus_?"

"Look, _Potter_, would you just _get over it_? They've been friends since they were like six years old. He lives a few streets away from her" Sherine gave him a derisive look very reminiscent of Lily Evans.

"Really?" James was incredulous. So _that_ was why Lily had stuck up for him for so long. "Anyway, she's staying for the holidays?"

"Yeah" said Andy. "Said she'd go mental if she was stuck on her own at home with Petunia"

"Petunia?"

"Her sister" said Frank. "Muggle. Complete bitch ever since Lily first came to Hogwarts. Didn't you know that?"

"Err- no" said James. It was funny, but after almost five years of religiously stalking Lily Evans, he had never even wondered about her life before or between Hogwarts.

"Well, now you do" said Frank. "Well, I'd best be getting along, I have to pack"

"Yeah, I was just about to ask" said James. "Aren't you a Hufflepuff?"

"Got the Fat Lady a box of truffles" said Frank by way of answer. "See you later!" he kissed Alice (she blushed furiously and smacked a smirking Andy round the head) and practically skipped out of the portrait hole.

There was dead silence, punctuated by Andy, who started singing "A Cauldron of Hot, Strong Love" at the top of her voice.

"Need me to shut her up?" said Ted, smirking.

XxXxX

"You wanted to see me, Professor?" said James, nervously sticking his head around the door of the Headmaster's study. Dumbledore didn't seem to hear him. He had curlers in his beard and was sorting out his collection of vintage Vivienne Westwood T-Shirts.

"Professor?" Dumbledore had now started singing Frank Sinatra's _My Way_.

"PROFESSOR?" Dumbledore practically fell off his seat and there was a nasty crunching noise from the _Blondie _vinyl disk he was holding.

"Oh. Oh! James, dear boy, do sit down" James nervously approached the chair in front of Dumbledore's desk.

"I'm sorting out my trunk of Rock 'N' Roll memorabilia" said Dumbledore, smiling benignly. "I meant to do it last week, but the My Little Ponies took rather longer than expected. I've also been finding Rubix Cubes in extremely odd places. Sherbet Lemon?"

"Err, no thank you, sir" said James, trying not to smirk.

"Humbug, then?"

"I'm honestly fine" said James.

"For heaven's sake, James, sit down, I'm not going to eat you" said Dumbledore, giving him a twinkly smile.

"So, sir... why is it that you wanted to see me?" said James, noticing with some discomfiture that _all_ of the Heads on the wall were wearing curlers. Dumbledore seemed to be quite a trendsetter amongst dead teachers.

"Well, James, I rather wanted to talk to you about Lily Evans" said Dumbledore.

"Wha-" James cleared his throat- he could feel himself going red. "What? Why me?"

"Well, as the Head Boy to her Head Girl-" (James relaxed) "And as one of her publicly acknowledged admirers-" (he choked) "I thought you might have an idea of how she's been affected by her parent's accident. I would call her here myself, but she isn't back at school yet"

"Well, sir" said James, trying to keep his voice steady "I'm not actually in contact with her right now"

"Oh, naturally, naturally" mused Dumbledore. "I did think- she does seem to detest you a little, but you seemed to be on better terms recently-" James simply sat there, aware that his face was so red he was probably glowing.

"I am very concerned about her, you know" said Dumbledore, seemingly to himself. "In a very vulnerable position, and none of her friends are remaining in the castle for Christmas. There is Severus, of course..."

"I'm sorry, sir?" said James, puzzled.

"Well, I was going to ask someone to keep an eye on her for me. Perhaps keep her company a little over the holidays. But I assume you and Mr Black will be heading back to your home for the holidays, won't you? Yes, I think Severus-"

"Err, I'm not actually going home, Professor" said James hurriedly. "My parents are going to New Zealand"

"Oh, excellent!" said Dumbledore, beaming. "So you'll keep an eye on her for me? Come to me if she seems too upset?"

"Of course" said James.

"Spiffing!" said Dumbledore, his eyes sparkling.

"Well, I'll just go, sir" said James, getting up and heading for the door.

"Oh, and James?"

"Yes sir?"

"She is very fond of red roses, I understand. And lilies, naturally" James quickly shut the door, but he thought he heard Armando Dippet mutter something that sounded rather like

"Good grief, headmaster, your matchmaking skills are positively occult!"

XxXxX

"So, remind me again why we're staying here for Christmas instead?" said Sirius. "Except for the lively social scene..." his tone was dry as he looked around the deserted Common Room.

"I _told _you, Padfoot, my parents are in New Zealand. It's not too bad, though! It's our last year at Hogwarts! Don't we want to make the most of it?"

"I suppose" sighed Sirius. "So, how are things going with- speak of the devil!" James whirled around to see Lily entering the room, levitating her trunk in front of her. She looked quite as pretty as ever, though rather pale and strained.

"How's it going, Evans?" said Sirius, for once not being sarcastic but sympathetic.

"Alright, thanks. Been better. Are you guys staying for Christmas too?"

"Yeah" said Sirius. "Want help with your trunk?"

"Nah, I'm alright, thanks" she looked tired and fed up.

"Well, if you put it upstairs, why don't you come down and have a game of Exploding Snap with us?" said James. Sirius shot him a suspicious look.

"Thanks, I might, I don't have much else to do. See you in a minute" She gave them both a tired smile (James's breath caught in his throat) and trudged up the stairs.

"Oh, Prongs" said Sirius, in a patronizing tone. "Not again."

"Not again what?" said James innocently- Sirius gave him an exasperated look, and jumped as there was a tap at the window.

"An owl? Hey, it's Medusa!" James swore under his breath at the sight of his parent's evil-tempered Tawny Owl. "It's addressed to both of us" called Sirius "I'm opening it" James swore again and there was an awkward few seconds. "Oh, for heaven's sake, Prongs, you're _pathetic" _groaned Sirius.

"What?" said James, trying to look innocent. One of the few expressions that his best friend could _always _see right through. Sirius gave him a withering look and straightened the letter with a flourish, then began to read in a ringing tone:

" '_Dearest James, and Sirius if you're reading this- of course we're disappointed that you won't be coming home for Christmas, but I totally understand that you want to make the most of your last year at Hogwarts, and be there for your friend (try not to __ her, James, dear)._

_It'll probably just be a quiet Christmas at home for your father and I, but we have Grandpa with us__, and he's always a laugh. __Just as odd as ever__ (he arrived in one of Grandmother's dresses- don't ask)__, but he sends his love._

_I'll send you your presents soon! _

_Lots of love, Mother__'._

And, what was that you were saying about New Zealand, again, Prongs? Remind me_"_

James coughed and Sirius shook his head, roaring with laughter.

"Well, I suppose I'll make the most of the babysitting duty that's been foisted on me" sighed Sirius. "At least Arielle's staying, so it won't be a total waste... are you getting Lily anything for Christmas?"

"SHIT!"

"Oh, Prongs... I despair, I really do. Do you need some help?"

"_Please"_

"Righto. Sirius the relationship guru to the rescue, eh?"

"Wise move, Prongs" said Remus, who had just joined them, rolling his eyes.

"What?"

"Enlisting Sirius's help with girls. Especially since Padfoot's never had a relationship that's lasted longer than a packet of Bertie Bott's Every Flavour Beans"

"Oi!"

XxXxX

**A/N:**** : You know, I fully intended to kill off Lily's parents, but I didn't have the heart... it makes me sad to know that they have to die in the next few years... but for now... well, you'll see, eh?**

**This time, ****thanksies**** go to...**** Emma-Louise 1993, vampireprincess1606, ****emeraldeye****, brooke-ella1790, ****TheRedBandit****, serpentqueen92, Bloc-9, ****IluvSEVERUS**** and JAMESandLILLYareCUTE for your reviews! **

**Special thanks to all the people who have stuck with this story since the beginning, I really appreciate it :). Remember, if you want something particular to happen, you only have to ask, I'm up for any suggestions****!-**** Riddle x**


	13. Chapter 13: Sirius Conversations

**A/N: ****Quite short**** but I hope you ****likey!!**

**Chapter Thirteen: Sirius Conversations**

**(Haha! ****Didya**** get it? ****Didya?)**

Hogwarts seemed like a castle of the dead on the second day of the Christmas holidays. Though there were more students staying than normally did, the corridors seemed unnaturally silent. Lily, though, didn't mind. As popular as she was, she was happy in her own company and always had been. Today, she was up bright and early in the common room, curled up on a fluffy newly-conjured beanbag in front of the fire, writing letters and Christmas notes.

The first went:

_Dear Mum and Dad_

_I'm fine, thank you, and for the last time I don't mind staying here for the holidays! The most important thing is that you both get better and don't worry about me. Good luck with your operation, Dad, and Mum, good luck with putting __up with him__ dosed up on morphine!_

_It's weird being at Hogwarts with hardly anyone here, and so far unnaturally relaxing! I'm going to do all my homework today and then sit around doing nothing for the rest of the holidays._

_In answer to your question Mum, no, I'm not on my own, there are a few other people staying too. My new friend Sherine- __I told you about her, remember? -__And__ my ex-friend Severus, along with Remus, who you've met, a few Ravenclaws, and- here's the trump card- Sirius Black and James Potter._

_I know what you're going to say, and don't worry, I think the chances of either of them molesting me in the hallway are minimal, although James might have a try if he wasn't aware of my prodigious skills in the fields of Dismemberment and Castration. Actually, I'm not being __fair;__ we've definitely been getting along better recently__ since he saved my life (long story)__, although I haven't fully ruled out a return to my __chaos-mongering of earlier this term! I'll probably threaten hi m with it until he returns Andy's broomstick and place on the team, at the very least._

_Well, I've got cramp in my hand and I need to write to a few more people, so I'll go. Write back soon! And don't terrorize the nurses, Dad._

_Lots of love_

_Lily_

The second:

_Andy_

_I know__ you're going to ask me about your broom__ and__ I'm working on it. How are things with You-Know-Who? __(No, not THAT one!__The one WITH hair!)__ I heard he was planning to head out your way on Boxing Day. No need to thank me._

_Enjoy your present, and the holidays!_

_Lil X_

The third:

_Ems_

_Andy's driving me nuts. Will you pleas__e try to stop her sending me a H__owler if I can't get her broom back?_

_I owe you five sickles, you were right about Sherine. She didn't take her eyes off him all lunch yesterday, and kept missing her mouth with her food. I'll try and exercise my matchmaking skills, but maybe you could serve as a written counsel?_

_Enjoy the holidays, missing you already_

_Lil X_

The fourth:

_Alice_

_If you don't get a new year's kiss from Frank I will wash my hands of you completely._

_Have a happy Christmas!_

_Lil X_

The fifth:

_F__rank_

_Kiss her on New Year's; she won't start it. And I need to focus my matchmaking skills on a new pair__, so for Christ's sake get a MOVE ON!__ Hope she likes the ea__rrings I got for you to get her, and h__ave a great holiday, I'll miss your Hufflepuff gossip._

_Happy Christmas_

_Lily__ X_

The sixth:

_Ted_

_Go to Andy's house on Boxing Day, or I'll send you a cursed pair of boxers (excuse the pun)_

_I promise I'll look after Sherine, you might even find that when you get back she'll have a distraction or two to keep her away from you and A._

_Merry Christmas :)_

_Lily X_

And the last:

_Dear Loony Tunes_

_Have a Happy Christmas with Vermin! And thanks SO much for my present. A girl can never have too many drawing pins. Or was it an accident that there were four enclosed in my Christmas card?_

_Your dearly beloved sister_

_Lily_

She sat back, satisfied with her work, and sealed all seven letters before reluctantly uncurling herself from her cosy spot and stepping into a pair of slippers. She stretched, wincing at the click in her neck, and headed out of the Gryffindor portrait, then up the stairs to the Owlery. She wrinkled up her nose as she arrived- she didn't have an owl of her own, and detested the smell.

She called down six school owls and Andy's black Eagle Owl, Lucifer, and gave them each a letter.

"Just put that in a letterbox, okay, Lucifer?" she whispered. "I think my dad would have a heart attack if an owl flew in through his window, he's never got used to it. And he's in a fragile state"

She heard a click at the door and hurriedly stepped away from the owl before it took off. She didn't want to be discovered talking to owls. Some of the more bitchy girls already suspected she was a lesbian for refusing James Potter- she didn't want them thinking her lack of romance had driven her to chatting to animals, or anything.

"Lily?" she relaxed.

"Heya, Remus. How's it going?"

"Not bad. Haven't seen you since I- well, you know" Remus looked a bit depressed, and Lily went to put an arm around him.

"It's okay, Moony, things could be worse. Shall we head back together? James and Sirius will be up in a bit, I'm sure they'll cheer you up" he nodded and, after fastening a letter and card to a school owl- which it took them a while to find, since Lily had severely depleted the stock- the two headed out of the Owlery.

"Actually" said Remus absentmindedly, watching Lily hit Peeves with a hex from behind. "I kind of wanted to talk to you about that" Lily didn't hear, as she was apologising to Nearly Headless Nick for the flying bogies she had accidentally sent at him. He didn't seem to mind the bogies- he was more insulted about the fact that he looked like Peeves from behind.

"Lily?"

"Seriously, Nick, the ruffles are great, they really suit your skin tone, bring out the silver- what?"

"Conversation, please?" Lily looked a little sheepish, said goodbye to an indignant Sir Nicholas, and linked her arm with Remus.

"Okay, I'm sorry. What was it you wanted to discuss?"

"Well, how do I put it... Your little revenge thingy"

"Our" said Lily, raising an eyebrow. "You said they needed taking down a peg or two as well, remember?"

"I know, I know. But can I ask a favour?"

"Hmm..."

"Lay off"

"Whaaat?!"

"Just for the Christmas Holidays"

"I wasn't going to do anything anyway without the others, but why the sudden mercy?" said Lily, smiling at her friend.

"Well, I just think you could give James a chance to be himself a bit more, without his usual... how would you say it..."

"Worshippers?"

"Captive audience, actually, hanging on to his every word. Do you know what I mean? Sirius too. They're pretty decent guys if you'd take the chance to find out"

"Err... well, I'll try for you Remus, but I reserve the right to hate them if I want. Kumquat" the Fat Lady nodded cheerily at them and they entered the common room, sitting down by the fireplace and jumping up immediately when they heard a volley of bangs outside the window.

"What-the-_hell__-_is-that?" shrieked Sherine, running down the stairs and looking at the window. "Oh, it's James and Sirius throwing rocks. I reckon they want us to go down" Lily huffed and strode over to the window, flinging it open.

"You could just come and _get _us, like _civilised_ people, instead of trying to break- OI!" she slammed the window shut and glared at Remus and Sherine, who were both roaring with laughter at the sight of her with a faceful of snow.

"Want to go down and get them, babe?" laughed Sherine.

"Lead the way" said Lily, scowling and picking up a poker from the fireplace.

"No poker" said Remus, looking apprehensively at the weapon, and even more apprehensively at the wand Lily had just drawn. She giggled.

"Only joking, Moony. If there's one sport I know how to win, it's a snowball fight"

XxXxX

**A/N: Oooh, excitement next time... I can't say much, but I can say that truth or dare might get involved... oops!**

**Kudos to ****IluvSEVERUS, ****clarealexandrea****, JAMESandLILLYareCUTE, brooke-ella1790, ****madmoony****XImCharmedX****, sarena678, ****laura**** sedai, ****UnexpectedInspiration****, serpentqueen92, vampireprincess1606, ****emereldeye, ****TheRedBandit**** and... ****phew****, that's it. Love you all! Also thanks to ****Dooki****, without whom this chapter would be out tomorrow or maybe even later... **

**Riddle xx**


	14. Chapter 14: Truth or Dare!

**A/N: Dodges mouldy missiles**

**I know, it's been a while! Sorry! And thanks to the Reviewers! Much appreciated, as always!**

**It's- drum roll, please- the Truth or Dare chapter! With a cameo appearance from someone I know! Enjoy!**** And don't worry, I'm not stringing you out too much longer, there may be some James and Lily in a few chapter's time. laughs at everyone's frustrated expressions****- Riddle x**

Chapter 14: Because Every Fanfic Needs one!

"Lily! LILY! LILY EVANS! GET-"

Sherine was straddling Lily in bed, watched by three very amused Marauders, and attempting to shake her friend into consciousness.

"FOR THE LAST BLOODY TIME" screamed Lily, trying to open her eyes, "I AM NOT A MORNING PER-_presents_!" her return to normality was almost unnerving as she and her dorm-mate started an impromptu rendition of several Christmas carols, and Lily was halfway through "God Rest Ye, Merry You-Know-Who", when she noticed the boys.

"To save us all from Merlin's power when we were gone astray, Oh, tidings of Crucio and Death, CrucioandDeath, oh- OH! What are you doing in here?" Sirius and James collapsed into laughter at the sight of Lily on the bed, in her pyjamas, holding a hairbrush-microphone, looking cross enough to hand out detention.

"Sherine let us in to try and get you up. Merry Christmas, Lily" smiled James.

"Yeah, Happy Christmas, Lil" said Remus, echoed by Sirius'

"Yeah, Tidings of Crucio and Death and all that crap"

"Merry Christmas to you too!" trilled Lily, picking up a gift wrapped in midnight blue paper. "Now, get out of here before I inform Dumbledore. You should be glad I have presents to distract me" James, Sirius and Remus took the hint and bent a hasty retreat after the five friends had swapped presents.

"Wow!" squealed Sherine as she opened Lily's present. "I love the bra! And the knickers are a perfect match!"

"Well, I had to rack my brains to think of something you'd really make good use of" smirked Lily, who had so far opened a book called _Wizarding Fashions of the Ages- Rat Tails to Robes_ from Sherine, a new set of dress robes and a matching hat from Andy and Alice, a locket with a picture of the five girls from Emmeline, some sweets from Ted and Frank, a book called _Death Magic_ from Remus (she didn't know _what_ he was insinuating), a Gladrag's voucher from Sirius and a truly revolting vase from Petunia, filled with what she claimed was compost but Lily was positive was actually manure. She moved aside the mess of wrapping paper around her on the floor and spotted a thick red envelope, which she picked up. Inside was a small mirror, and a note from James:

_I didn't know what to get you, so speak to the mirror and you'll get what I decided on. Say "Salem"._

_Happy Christmas!_

_James_

Lily showed Sherine the note, getting exactly the bemused expression that she knew was on her own face.

"Salem?" said Sherine. "What the-" but Sherine stopped dead as something came out of the mirror.

A head.

A small, furry head.

"No _way_!" screamed Sherine, causing the emerging kitten to give her a look not unlike one often bestowed by its new mistress.

"Awwww!" squealed both of the girls. Though Lily was an assertive girl with many views on the stereotyping of women, she was a sucker for a kitten.

"It's so cute!" cooed Lily, cradling the kitten in her arms. It was tiny, midnight black, with huge yellow-green eyes completely disproportionate to the size of its head, and, it seemed, rather sociable.

"She" said Sherine, who had removed the little scroll attached to Salem's neck.

"_She_?" said Lily, raising an eyebrow. "But Salem's a boy's name!"

Sherine shrugged.

"Shall I read it?" she said.

"Yeah" smiled Lily. "You know, I hope Potter isn't going to propose, because I just fell in love with his present"

XxXxX

"Damn" said James.

"Told you ya shouldn't have listened to Remus" said Sirius.

"Yeah, because a bikini with a remote that turns it _transparent_ would have gone down _so_ well" said Remus, stung.

"Ssh!" said James. "I want to hear what she thinks of my letter!"

Behind his back, Moony and Padfoot exchanged a roll of the eyes.

"Hey, I heard that!" hissed James.

XxXxX

"_Hi again!_

_I hope you like her. Sorry about the boy's name, but the guy at the Magical Menagerie was wrong and by the time we correctly identified her gender, she wouldn'__t answer to anything__ else._

_Please get the mirror back to me without Sirius seeing, because __i__t's his and I nicked it for the transfer-"_

XxXxX

"Oi!" said Sirius, shooting an accusatory look at James, who grinned ruefully.

"Remember the time you nicked mine to watch Arielle giving a striptease in the Ravenclaw common room and I saw? Scarred for life, mate!"

"Okay, fair point"

"It is. Now shut up"

XxXxX

"_-without asking him. Have a Happy Christmas, love, James_. Aw, Lil!"

Lily smiled at the frolicking kitten.

"I've wanted one for ages! I wonder how he knew?"

XxXxX

"No need to thank me, or anything" hissed Remus, whose head was being crushed between James's elbow and the door.

XxXxX

"I don't know, but it was so sweet" sighed Sherine. "Shall we go down and get some hot chocolate from the kitchens, then play Charades or something?"

"Sure!" grinned Lily, picking up Salem.

XxXxX

"Shit!" hissed James as the three of them sprinted down the stairs.

XxXxX

They ran into Darryl Spinnet, Arielle Bellmore and Terence Hogsby on the way, so their game of Charades was postphoned until the evening, when they were all feeling very full and a bit tipsy. In fact, since James and Sirius didn't know what films were, it proved pointless, so they ended up doing impressions of people instead.

"Millicent Bagnold"

"No"

"Professor Burbage"

"No

"Filch?"

"_NO!"_ yelled Remus in exasperation.

"_Who_, then?" said Sirius.

"Andy, for Merlin's sake!"

"Oh" said Lily. "Her disapproving, there's-a-smell-under-my-nose-called-Bellatrix look. I recognize it now, but you were blinking too much"

Remus glared at her.

"So, is it my turn?" said Lily

"No" sighed Sherine. "No one got it, so it's the next in the circle, and that's James" Lily huffed and shot a fake deathglare at Sherine, which Salem copied. It was quite unnerving.

"Okay..." said James.

"Someone we know?" said Sherine.

"Yeah"

"Okay, go" said Lily, who was now tickling Salem's belly. James was beginning to feel quite jealous of the damned cat.

However, she stopped tickling and, along with Remus and Sherine, burst out laughing when James assumed a weird dreamy look with his tongue lolling out. Sirius, however, scowled.

"Is that supposed to be me?"

"Yeah, when you used to daydream in History of Magic" grinned James. "Merlin only knows what was going on in that filthy mind of yours"

"Ew" said Sherine and Lily together, and then "Aw!" when Salem stuck her tongue out at Sirius.

"She reminds me of you a bit" said James, smiling at Lily.

"What, a furry faced short arse?" said Lily, mock offended. The others laughed.

"Before my friend makes a BIG arse of himself" cut in Sirius "I would like to use my go to propose a change in game"

"Huh?" said the other's together.

"For the last time, we are NOT playing Strip Poker" said Lily.

"No, I meant my second choice" said Sirius. "Truth or Dare. Game?"

"Game" said James

"Game"

"Game"

"Oh, _fine_" huffed Lily. "Not very Christmassy, though, is it, Black?"

"Depends what you view as the perks of Christmas" smirked Sirius. "It is often very festive in my opinion! Shall we begin?"

"Fine..."

"So!" said Sirius in his best game-show-host voice. "The rules are these!"

Lily scowled.

"Every contestant must answer every question and perform every task requested!"

Lily raised an eyebrow.

"But no nudity! On _my_ part" she swiftly amended as Sherine and Sirius looked crestfallen.

"Okay... Every task unless of a violent, unfair, sexual or permanent nature" said Sirius quickly "In which case the questioned will in turn give a similar version of the dare or question to the questioner or darer, if a compromise cannot be reached"

Lily nodded.

"Each person has a magically enforced forfeit- Oh yes, Evans" grinned Sirius. "You're playing with the big boys now. If a dare is failed or a person lies, the forfeit will come into effect."

"Hmm" said Lily, sceptical.

"Last but not least... what happens in Vegas, stays in Vegas. If you know what I mean" said Sirius, winking at Sherine, who mimed vomiting.

"So... forfeits!" boomed Sirius. "Mine shall be..."

"To not kiss a girl until Easter" said Lily. Sirius grinned. "Or perform any acts of a sexual nature" Sirius winced.

"Fine... James's"

"To give Andy's broom back" supplied Lily.

"Okay"

"Remus's... yes, Prongs?"

"How about to chuck orange juice over Professor McGonagall on the first day of term at breakfast?"

"Okay... Sherine's"

"To strip to her underwear and knock on Darryl Spinnet's door" giggled Lily. Sherine looked scandalised, but not entirely unwilling.

"And... Evans"

"To call off her revenge" said James. Lily scoffed and he added "Until she gets good reason to start it up again"

"Rrrright!" boomed Sirius. "We have our forfeit! Now... let the games begin!" He quickly conjured a bottle on a spinner and everyone clasped hands over it, after prompting Lily and Sherine, who were of course Muggle born.

"So, that sets the spell?" said Lily, more interested than she wanted to let on.

"Yup" said James. "No backsies!"

"Backsies?" said Sherine. "What are you, three?"

"Shut it!" said Sirius. "Now, it was my idea, so I start." He pointed his wand at the bottle, which spun to face Remus. "I'll go easy on you, Moony, since you're first, and give you a Truth. Is it true you like Andy?"

Remus snorted.

"Hardly."

"I could have told you that!" said Lily, rolling her eyes. "He can't stand her"

"Okay" said Sirius. "Moony, spin the bottle!" Remus dutifully spun the bottle, which landed on Lily.

"Truth. Do you know who I really like?"

"Yep"

"Figures"

"Okay! My turn!" squealed Lily, putting Salem down to flick her wand at the bottle. "James! Eat an entire packet of Acid Pops!" James scoffed.

"That's pathetic, Lily"

"Ever done it?"

"Well... okay, fine" Lily passed him a newly-summoned packet and he gingerly tipped the lot down his throat.

"How is it, Prongs?" said Sirius.

"It's... AAAAARGH! SOMEONE GET ME A GLASS OF WATER!" he squeaked. Lily cackled.

"Not until you've swallowed it _all_"

"You have _no idea_ how _wrong _that sounded" said Sirius. "Look, he's dying here!"

"Okay, okay" said Lily after a few seconds, and James took the offered water in relief.

"My turn" rasped James. "Padfoot. What _really _happened to the dress robes my mum got me for Christmas last year?"

"Turned them pink and gave them to my then-girlfriend when I forgot her birthday" smirked Sirius. Sherine and Lily both looked horrified.

"Right... me now... Remus! Go to the Slytherin dorms and nick a pair of Snape's underpants"

"Whaaat?" moaned Remus, "I wouldn't be surprised if they were _radioactive_!"

"What's radio-"

"Never mind" grumbled Remus. "Pure bloods... okay, here goes nothing"

The others talked about Quidditch for ten minutes until Remus returned, his hair smoking, holding a pair of grubby white boxers at arm's length with a look of utter disgust. The others all laughed and Sirius clapped him on the back.

"Good one, mate. He's good at curses. Here, someone put his hair out" Lily quickly flicked a stream of water at Remus's head and he sighed, examining his singed locks in the tag of Salem's collar.

"Damn... okay... Sherine- who is this crush that Lily's trying to set you up with?" Sherine shot a nasty look at Lily before answering.

"Darryl Spinnet, he's in Ravenclaw"

"_And_ he's staying for Christmas" said Lily, waggling her eyebrows. "Which spells-"

"Shut up. And it's my go" she spun the bottle which pointed towards Lily.

"Lil... truth, I think. If you had a kid, what would you name it?" Sirius and James groaned at this typical girly question.

"Ooh, I don't know. If it's a boy, I like Harry, after my granddad. If it's a girl I don't know."

"I like Alicia or Catherine" said Sherine dreamily.

"Nah" said Lily. "Maybe Rose. You know, carry on the flower thing" Sherine nodded happily but before she could reply, Sirius butted in.

"Ladies. Enchanting as this conversation is, and as fond as I am of the name Rose, can we please carry on? It's your go, Evans" Lily rolled her eyes and spun the bottle.

"Remus. If you had to kiss a teacher, who would it be?" James mimed puking, but Sirius sniggered.

"Probably Madam Pomfrey" grinned Remus. The others all smirked- the new nurse was in her late twenties, a curvaceous blonde who was lusted after by half the boys.

"Okay" said Remus. He shot a shrewd look at James before saying, "When did you first know you liked Lily?" James reddened.

"First time I saw her"

"Aww!" said Sherine. Lily smiled slightly at him.

"My go" said James. "Lily... do you want to go out with me?"

"No". For a second, nothing happened, and then Lily gasped and James raised an eyebrow. "Don't look at me like that! That wasn't a lie! Is the spell working? I just felt a weird jolt"

"Yep, and I think you'll find your little tricks won't work for a while" grinned Sirius. "Seriously, answer the question"

"I don't know" said Lily truthfully. He nodded.

"Er... let's see... Sherine. Who was your first you-know-what?"

Sherine gulped.

"Lu-Lucius Malfoy..."

"WHAT?!" yelled the others.

"While he was still dating that Nott girl..."

"No _way!_" said Lily. "And I thought I knew you!"

"Rather badass for you, Tonks" smirked Sirius.

"My go now" said Sherine, avoiding everyone's eyes.

"Err... James. I can't think of one... um... if you had to choose between living in Snape's dorm or marrying Bellatrix Black, what would you choose?"

"Snape's dorm. At least I know I can beat him in a fight."

"Honest answer" grinned Remus.

"Okay... Sirius... when did you lose your virginity?" said James. Sirius laughed gleefully.

"I was wondering when this would come up! Third Year"

"Eurgh" shuddered Lily. "Man whore"

"And proud of it, gorgeous" laughed Sirius, spinning the bottle. "Remus! How about you?"

"I _haven't_" said Remus, rolling his eyes. Sirius looked horrified, but Lily smiled at her friend, although he avoided her eyes as he reached down to spin the bottle again.

"Lily again... hmm... I dare you to agree to go on a date with James"

The reaction was comical. James choked as though he had eaten another box of Acid Pops, Sherine almost swallowed her bubblegum, and Lily spat a mouthful of butterbeer into Sirius's face.

"Fine..." said Lily. "I'm only agreeing because I've already done my forfeit and I don't want Remus to make the dare worse" she said in response to Sirius's barely concealed smirk. James grinned at her.

"First Hogsmeade weekend, _darling_?"

"Fine..." she said, as though he had just pronounced her death sentence.

"No need to thank me, _again_" said Remus, grinning wolfishly.

"Ahem... So" said James, rubbing his hands and spinning the bottle. "Sherine!" she groaned.

"Erm... Dare, I think... err..." James pretended to think for a moment, although everyone knew what he was going to say. "go and tell Darryl you like him!" grinned James.

"Noo!" shrieked Sherine, as Lily cackled. However, presumably under threat of revealing her unmentionables to the boys, she complied.

And returned, five minutes later, clad only in a skimpy red bra and pants.

"I can't believe you, Potter! You're not even my _date_ and you _still _get me out of my skirt!"

XxXxX

**A/N: Haha! They're going on a date! But never fear, the drama is not over. Not by a long shot ;)**** Did everyone notice the John Tucker Must Die quote?**

**Big time kudos to... nun outfits are cool (welcome back!), Rosemary Anne, IluvSEVERUS, LILLYandJAMESareCUTE, laura sedai (of course!), emeraldeye, Emma-Louise 1993, Oreo92, AllIWannaDo, pixie dust, serenity12345, brooke-ella1790, xImCharmedx, UnexpectedInspiration, sarena678, serpentqueen92 and, of course, Dooki, who put out a chapter of her excellent fic for me to devour :D.**

**Incidentally, did anyone guess who the cameo was?**

**Yes, it was my cat, well done... she wanted to make herself known... she's not actually a kitten anymore, but I thought that was cuter ;) And remember in Lily's letter in DH she says they have a cat? Go Salem :D**

**Riddle x**


	15. Chapter 15: A Long Awaited Reunion

**A/N: First, a heartfelt apology. I am so, so sorry that it has taken me so long to update. I have just moved to a new school (boarding, like Hogwarts!), and as well as being really busy, they have blocked because of "pornography"!! While I know these aren't really excuses, they are an explanation (of sorts) for the lack of updates, and I hope you can forgive me! (Also, the guys in my house are being real dicks and I haven't had much inspiration for "nice, forgivable James****"**

**In the meantime, I hope you've all been reading some great fanfiction, so that the temporary disappearance of my humble story didn't hurt too much!****Any recommendations?**** I'm happy to review for people if they ask.**

**Love you all so much, Riddle x ****x**

Chapter Fifteen- A Long Awaited Reunion

The wind whistled around the castle, making the windows rattle and torches shiver in their brackets. Lily was wandering absentmindedly through the corridors. In setting up Sherine and Daryl (who, it seemed, rather liked the sight of her in her underwear) she had forgotten that she would be left with very few people to talk to for the remainder of the Christmas holidays, and was feeling a little depressed with only Salem for company.

She jumped as someone leapt out from behind a statue of Coralline the Constipated, but managed to control her reaction to a kind of involuntary twitch. James had been doing it so often that she had managed to reduce her reaction from a furious banshee shriek to barely anything.

"Spasms?" he grinned, falling in to step beside her.

"Something like that" she said, smiling in spite of herself.

"So, the castle's full of happy couples, and it's just us" laughed James. "Fancy a detour to the Room of Requirement? We could ambush Sirius as he comes out"

"Nah" said Lily, scooping up Salem, who had just pranced into sight. "Let's just head back to the common room and grab the good armchairs before everyone else comes back, shall we?"

"Sounds like an idea to me" said James, shoving his hands in his pockets and smiling at Lily and the kitten (who gave him a superior, she's-out-of-your-league look).

"So?" said Lily, raising an eyebrow as her friends entered the room. They all looked at each other, puzzled, and she sighed, beckoning them to seat themselves beside her after giving all of them hugs.

"My _plans_!" she huffed. "My carefully thought of, meticulously organised, and hopefully very successful _plans_! If there are not at least _two_ new couples amongst my friendship circle then I won't have beaten last year's record of two successful matchmakings in a month. So. Al?"

"Er... what?"

"TELL ME WHAT HAPPENED LAST NIGHT! I have been _deprived_ of gossip!" Lily said, unnecessarily loudly.

"Okay, okay! Well, first off, naturally I headed out to Jacky Bones's New Year's party, though I don't even know how I was invited, since I never spoke to her..." Alice broke off as Lily tossed a packet of chocolate frogs to a smirking fourth year, and looked suspicious. "Frank was there too, but he didn't really know anyone either-" another packed of chocolate frogs was caught by the grinning boy, who winked at Lily and disappeared "- and so we ended up dancing together. Not close, or anything" she said in reply to her friends' unasked question "but I was just coming back from the loo when I tripped over some Third Year"- the others looked at Lily.

"I already paid him" she hissed.

"-right into Frank! And, well, one thing leads to another..." Lily grinned broadly, and Emmeline started applauding with a smile.

"One down, one to go. Andy?"

"He came over to my house on Boxing Day, and-"

"One thing leads to another?"

"Something like that" smirked Andy, as the other girls wolf whistled, and a burst of excited chatter and hugging ensued. The arrival of Ted shut them up, and he looked around nervously at the now silent girls.

"Stop smiling" he said. "I feel like you're going to eat me"

"It's _great_ to be back" smiled Emmeline.

Andy nudged Lily and jerked her head towards the stairs. Lily smiled, took the hint, and followed her friend to their dormitory, leaving the others discussing Christmas presents and holidays, where Andy slung her bag on her bed and sat down.

"So, how was it sharing a castle alone with Potter and his army of manwhores over Christmas?" said Andy. "I hope you didn't perform any revenge without me there to laugh along" Lily laughed.

"This'll shock you, Andy, but I didn't actually feel the need to. We got along okay" Andy's eyebrows shot up into her fringe.

"Really? That's... weird! Did you manage to get my broom back?" Lily gasped.

"Oh, dammit! I made that the condition of his forfeit during truth or dare on Christmas Day, but he didn't lose, and since then I forgot all about it!" Andy gave her a sideways look, eyes narrowed.

"Glad to see you tried, though" she made a move to leave but Lily grabbed her by the arm.

"Andy! Come _on_! You know it wasn't deliberate, and I'll try, I swear I will"

"Whatever"

"Why are you being such a _baby_? You haven't even asked him yourself! Andy, I do _everything_ for you, and you act like I've committed a cardinal sin just because I didn't dedicate my _entire_ Christmas holiday to getting your stupid broom back!" Lily regretted her words almost as soon as they came out of her mouth. Andy's jaw dropped, and for a second she looked gobsmacked, then she stood up straight and gave Lily a disgusted look.

"Fine. Just alienate me, then. Dump your oldest friend for some prat who you're only tolerating because you love the attention he gives you and no-one else will take you-" Andromeda's eyes widened as she saw the look on Lily's face.

"Too far, Andy" she said, jaw set and eyes filling with angry tears. "Way too far."

She spun around, slamming through the door and running down the dimly lit stone corridor, down the spiral staircase. She could hardly see where she was going, and ran straight past her friends, who were still sitting in the common room.

"Hey, Lily, me and Ted were- Lily? Lily!" James looked at the others with a raised eyebrow. "What the hell's the matter with her? She was only gone five minutes!"

"_Lily?!_" came a whisper from the other side of the room. Andromeda gave James a look that could only be described as revolted, and threw herself down onto an armchair only to leap up with a shriek as Salem dug her claws into the girl's backside.

"I think that's what's the matter with her" said Ted, frowning at Andy, who gave him a haughty look.

"What the hell's that supposed to mean?!" said Andy, looking at the group, who were all frowning or looking confused.

"Congratulations" said Sherine, who had just entered the common room. "You really know how to brighten up everyone's day, Andy"

"Oh, shut up" she said, her own eyes now filled with frustrated tears. "Like you care, you've only paid her any attention when you want her to do something, like getting revenge or an ex or setting you up with one of the only boys in the school who doesn't find _sluts_ attractive!"

"And you don't?" said Sherine, taking a step forward and clenching her fists. "You listen here, you-"

"Ladies, come on, come on" said James, stepping between them and grasping Andy firmly by the collar. "Isn't this just a little end-of-holidays tension? If we all just talk about this rationally-"

"I'm not talking to _you_" spat Andy "I bet you love the fact you'll have Lily all to yourself now to perve on-"

"Let's not go and get petty, now" said Sirius, standing up as well. "James has nothing to do with this"

"Oh yeah?" said Andy "I bet he's been planning this for months. Get the best friend out of the way so she's feeling alone and vulnerable, and _then-_"

"Hey!" said James, more than a little surprised at how Marauder-like her plan sounded.

"She's not alone, anyway" said Emmeline, and Alice nodded. "You act like you're the only person in the world with a right to care about Lily, Andy. Can you please just grow up?" Andy stopped struggling and looked the two girls over, then wrenched herself out of James's grip.

"Fine. Fine. Like I care." And she stormed out, banging the portrait shut so hard that two angry shrieks rang through the hallways.

Alice slumped back into an armchair, and covered her face with her hands, letting out a muffled sigh. Sirius flopped onto the rug in front of the fire, with a sigh that sounded to the others rather similar to a yowl. Remus, who had been standing in the shadows observing the unexpected spat, gently placed his book on the mantelpiece and headed for the portrait hall.

"Should I go too?" said James, more to himself than to any of the others. They all seemed to agree, though, as Sirius and Emmeline shook their heads, and James made no move to get up.

"Merlin" sighed Alice, staring into the flames. "I thought we were all supposed to be over this hormonal crap by now?" the others shook their heads or shrugged.

"PMS?" said Sirius, with a smirk as the three girls, predictably, gave him withering looks.

"Shut up, you masochist" said Sherine with a superior sniff.

"_Definite_ PMS" said Sirius, giggling to himself- or, at least, until Sherine chucked Remus's book at him. An encyclopaedia of international wizarding politics was no laughing matter, especially when aimed at an area that was only ever meant to be treated gently...

**A/N: Well, it's not too long, but a little drama was long overdue, eh? Riddle X**


	16. Chapter 16: Deja Vu

**A/N: Well, I am taking full advantage of my extra-long Christmas holidays to try and get up the next few ****chapters nice and quickly! ****I'll have Chapter 17 up ASAP! Riddle x**

**Thanks to ALL my reviewers, and those of the last two chapters: **

**this is my reality, serenity12345, ****ShakeIt-Don'tBreakIt, ****Natulcien ****Seregon****, Baby seal, Oreo92, ****Dooki****, anon (I assume you know who you are!), ****xImCharmedx****, laura sedai, ****Adi ****Sagestar, ****emeraldeye, ****LILYandJAMESareCUTE, ****IluvSEVERUS****, Emma-Louise1993, brooke-ella1790, ****AllIWannaDo****, sarena678, Moonshine369, nun outfits are cool and ****UnexpectedInspiration ****(all Chapter 14)****, then Baby Seal, ****LILYandJAMESareCUTE****, this is my reality, brooke-ella1790, serenity12345, ****Slytherin's**** Baby Girl and laura sedai ****(all Chapter 15) ****LOVE you, Riddle x**

**Chapter 16: Déjà Vu**

"How much longer is this little spat going to go on for?" said Sirius moodily at breakfast a few weeks later. In fact, most of them were looking gloomy, having been infected by Lily and Andy's bad moods.

"God only knows" said Remus, sighing and flicking his wand to make his fork start tapping on the table.

"They're both as stubborn as each other" said Alice, adding a few more forks and her goblet to the medley, which was beginning to sound like something out of _Stomp_.

"Do you know what they were arguing about in the first place?" said Sirius, glancing at one end of the table, where Lily was with James, Emmeline, Sherine and Peter, and then at the other, where Andy was perched on her own.

"Andy's broom, amongst other things" said Remus. "Something tells me that's not all there is to it, though" Alice nodded, and with a flick of her wand the cutlery that was earning evil glances from their neighbours fell with a clash onto the table.

"Look, there's nothing we can do right now. Let's just go to Potions. I'm sure it'll blow over soon"

"Only if we're doing Cheering Charms straight after" said Sirius gloomily. He didn't like all these bad vibes- they were a real downer on romance.

* * *

"Love Potion?" said Lily, incredulous. "Sir, don't you think that's a little... hazardous?"

"Not at all!" boomed Slughorn. "The world needs more love"

"I _really_ don't think so, sir" said Frank, glancing at James.

"Now, now, Mr Longbottom, let's not get cynical!" said Slughorn, laughing. "Just because you've found love all on your own-" Alice blushed furiously and hid her face in her hands "-doesn't mean the rest of us don't need a little helping hand! And, after all, in just a week's time it's Valentine's Day, so I thought I'd get into the festive spirit a little early! So, now, let's get into partners, shall we?" he looked around and let out a sigh. What with all these arguments amongst the students, getting them to choose partners without arguments had become nigh on impossible.

"Evans, with Potter" Severus scowled. "Snape and Black. No, Andromeda, Severus. Don't try to pretend you're not delighted. Other Black, with... Tonks. Yes, the rest of you are fine. Now, get to it, I don't want to give up my lunch hour, the house elves never make enough dessert"

Lily dragged her cauldron to the back, next to James, and gave him a brief smile before beginning to set out her ingredients. He grinned at her and went to the store cupboard to fetch some equipment.

"Now, Amortentia" boomed Slughorn over the clatter of students and equipment "Is notoriously tricky, and in fact, if it wasn't for the fact I can't actually be bothered to teach you, we probably wouldn't be attempting it in class. So you will _not _be tasting it until I have looked it over, and we will _not_ be adding the final ingredient, that is, the essence of the person who made the potion. Therefore, if the potion is successful, it should merely make us feel wan and lovesick. Yes?"

"Oh, yippee" muttered Sirius. "I get to act like James for the day" Andy laughed.

"So. Instructions on the board" said Slughorn, "and I'm going to have a well-earned nap. Any trouble and I'll force-feed you seahorse plasma." And with that he leant back in his chair with a creak of straining wood and began to snore.

"Great" said Lily. "Shall I start, then?"

"What do you mean, shall _I_ start?" said James. "I want to help!"

"Okay" said Lily. "Can you do me a _huge _favour by staying there and shutting up until I've finished?" James had to admit she had a point, so he straddled his chair, and, leaning on his elbow, watched her work.

Lily was actually rather enjoying her potionmaking- this was one of those rare times that she actually felt challenged in her work, and she loved to prove herself against the boys and purebloods who were constantly assuming their own superiority. Her hands worked as if of their own accord, distilling essence of rose and lily, shredding carnations and pounding heartstrings, gathering ingredients almost without her needing to think about it. She adjusted the flames at the base of her cauldron, and a pleasant heat washed over her as she moved on to the second phase of the potion. Unsurprisingly, she was ahead of everyone, even Snape, who seemed to have shunned the use of his partner as well.

With a flick of her wand she gathered the next group of ingredients, and, stopping to swirl the potion every half a minute, began to line them up in order of usage. Mother of Pearl, crushed mistletoe- not too much, as it was poisonous- daisy roots, powdered scallop shells, oysters, she worked with methodical care, and James was rather reminded of himself in the meticulous care she took over detail. Her green eyes lost focus over everything but her work and she hadn't even noticed he was staring at her.

When the bell rang, halfway through their double lesson, Lily paused to catch her breath, pleased with her work, and glanced over at Severus, who was just a few minutes behind her. She performed a quick, if silent, victory dance, and looked up again to see where the others had got to. Unprepared, she met Andy's eyes and was surprised when the girl's lip twitched, into a half-smile, before she rearranged her face into her usual frosty glare and looked away. Lily sighed- she couldn't even remember how their argument had started in the first place, but it had got worse over the weeks, probably due to the fact that they were both as stubborn as each other.

Sirius and James had started an ingredient fight with chopped up pieces of Quail hearts, and Lily gave a derisory sniff, bending back over her potion, which smelt like a pleasant mix of hyacinths, chocolate and some kind of aftershave. Unfortunately for her, James chose that moment to trip backwards over the table, smash into her, and knock her face-first into her potion.

"POTTER!" she screamed, reaching for her pestle and advancing on him. "You almost knocked over my Potion! And now I smell like... like..."

"Me?" said James helpfully, ducking a blow with a smirk.

"NO!" shrieked Lily, whacking him over the head with her copy of _Advanced Potion Making_, although she couldn't help but notice it wasn't only her potion which was giving off that aftershave smell.

"Well, what's the big deal?" said James, with an appreciative sniff. "Mmm, you smell like raspberries"

"That's my _perfume,_ you _dolt_" snapped Lily. "And you could have ruined my potion!"

"But I _didn't_"

"THAT'S NOT THE POINT, YOU'RE SUPPOSED TO APOLOGISE!"

"God, I am getting _such _bad déjà vu!" said Sirius with a laugh, as Lily gave James a nasty look and bent back over her potion to add some steamed strawberries.

"Just like old times, eh?" said James, laughing at the spooked look on Sirius's face.

"Yeah, except back then, Andy would be chucking potions equipment at you too" said Sirius, and the smile faded off James's face.

"They'll be okay soon" said James, though he looked doubtful.

"I hope you're right" sighed Sirius, ruffling his hair.

"I might just help her a bit, you know, to make up for it" said James, reaching for the bowl of half-mashed sunflower seeds and knocking a bottle of Rose Essence over.

"Suicide, mate" said Sirius, flicking his wand to clean up the mess before Lily noticed.

"Point taken" said James, with a laugh. "She's spectacular when she's angry"

"Spectacular isn't exactly the word I'd use" snorted Sirius. "Terrifying, insane, and downright _loud_, more like"

"I heard that!" snapped Lily, and Sirius mimed zipping up his mouth.

"Right, class!" boomed Slughorn. "that should have been enough time, for Potioneers of your standard to whip up a decent Amortentia. Let's see..." he began pacing the class. "Dismal. Revolting. A Mess. Pathetic. That smells like rotten eggs, Snape, not an aphrodisiac for many. Did you add too many quail hearts?" Snape shot a nasty look at James, who had collapsed in silent laughter. "And... oh, thank goodness, Lily! I was afraid I was going to have to give you all some of mine, and you know it strengthens with age... now, do you mind if we all try a taste? You need to be able to describe the taste and certain effects, I'll explain more later. Now, everyone take their large measuring ladle, and fill it up to the third line. Have you all got it? So, on the count of three!" after three, all the students raised their ladles to their mouths.

"After a few seconds, you should feel a tingling in your stomach, like you do on a successful date" said Slughorn. Lily let out a snort of laughter at the thought of Slughorn ever having a successful date.

"Now, it works faster on some than others, like being a lightweight with alcohol. If we had added the final ingredient, you would about now be- BLACK!" for Sirius had just dived at Lily.

"But Professor, she's _beautiful_!" he was followed by shouts and screams from all the other members of the class, who were advancing on Lily, all shouting declarations of eternal love. Lily gasped and dashed behind her desk.

"Oh- My- God- POTTER! I told you! You got my hair in the Potion!" she dived out of Darryl Spinnet's way with a shriek. "WHAT DO I DO?!" James succeeded in rugby tackling Sirius to the ground, and then grabbed her hand.

"_RUN!" _

**A/N: SUCH a cliché, I know, but I couldn't help myself****!-**** Riddle x**


	17. Chapter 17: Plans Gone Awry

**A/N: Finally, the next chapter! Don't worry, folks, we'll be finding out why Andy is being such a royal pain in the arse in the next few instalments, so sit tight! And it'll answer a few questions I've had about her as well. **

**For now, thanks to rileyluvr13, Isabelle Saunders, Ray Venn ****Hakubi****maia**** 22, ****UnexpectedInspiration, ****LoverofLilies, ****shetlandlace****, serenity 12345, sarena678, Baby Seal, Laura Sedai (as always!), ****LILYandJAMESareCUTE**** (ditto), ****siriusissexxy**** (he is indeed), ****xXx-fifi-xXx, ****Loz**** 727 and brooke-ella1790 for your reviews! So many readers, it makes me feel like an absolutely horrible person for taking so long! Enjoy!- Riddle x**

**Chapter 17: Plans Gone Awry**

"Come on, faster!" said James, pulling Lily after him down the corridor. They had run further and further into the dark maze of passages that made up the dungeons, and Lily didn't even recognize where they were- something she had thought was impossible after all her years of exploration and prefect patrols. James, however, seemed to know where to go.

"I'm- trying- Potter" she panted. "But- unlike _you_- I don't run for amusement!"

"I don't run, I fly" he said. "And if _you _don't run, then Snape is going to-"

"Okay, okay!" Lily squealed, putting on a fresh burst of speed in panic. She could hear the voices of her classmates and the clatters of them racing around looking for her.

She had never been in such a weird situation, and was starting to get extremely worried. Nasty pictures formed in her head. What if she had made the potion wrong, and it was permanent? It didn't bear thinking about.

"Okay, we're here" said James, skidding to a halt. Lily didn't notice, however, and slammed into him, knocking them both over onto the stone cold floor.

"Always knew you'd like it rough" said James, managing to grin and wince at the same time. Lily completely ignored him and looked around. They were in a stretch of dank corridor that looked completely identical to every stretch of corridor they had seen so far. A bracket above them held two faintly green torches, it stank of damp, and lichen clung to the stone walls.

"So... What's so special about this piece of unremarkable corridor, then?" she said with a sniff. James paused and puffed his chest out, looking extremely pleased with himself.

"Wait and see" he said with a grin, and then stuck one hand out and tugged at one of the torches. For a second, nothing happened- and then Lily shrieked as a trapdoor opened beneath their feet. She felt herself fall and hardly had time to scream before she was plunged into a pool of icy-cold water. She looked up to see James, about three feet above her.

"Sorry" he said, looking bashful, and sticking out a hand to help her out. "Wrong lever..."

After he had magically dried her off- which thankfully only took a few seconds, as she was in too much shock to yell at him- he pulled the other torch towards him with a decisive snap. This time, the rumble came from under their feet, and Lily shrieked as the floor underneath them suddenly sloped into the wall, forming a slide, which, though she attempted to stay still, she promptly slid down, face first.

"BUTTERBEER" she heard him yell.

"DAMN IT, YOU IMBECILE, IS THIS A TIME TO BE THINKING OF- WHAT DID YOU- AAH!" she shrieked as the slope became even steeper and the cold air whistled in her ears. Suddenly, she became aware that she was facing a large, black square in another stone wall- she closed her eyes for an impact which never came, and with a shriek she shot off the slide to land on something soft.

"Second time in ten minutes" said James with a groan. "Feel grateful, I landed on the floor"

"Where are we?" said Lily, standing up and looking around. They were in a large circular room, the walls almost entirely covered with up to twenty floor-to-ceiling paintings. Looking at where they had come from, Lily realised that that was a painting as well, and hurriedly apologised to the three dishevelled-looking nuns that were picking themselves up, grumbling swearwords of a most ungodly nature.

"Room of Requirement" muttered James, testing out his jaw. "Come and go room. There's passages to almost anywhere, if you know how to use them. Butterbeer was the password, so there's no need to have called me an imbecile"

"Sorry" said Lily. "Force of habit. The Room of Requirement? Really? I thought it was a myth!"

"Most definitely not" said James. "It has millions of uses, though as currently the Marauders are the only ones in the castle who are aware of its presence, it seems the only use it gets now is as a site for Sirius's romantic conquests, and-"

"- somewhere you hide from Filch?" said Lily, with a smile. James chuckled and nodded.

"Pretty much"

"Well" she said, with a smile. "Thank you" and she stood on her tiptoes to give him a small peck on the lips. He stiffened momentarily and she smiled as she leant back.

"You look like someone Petrified you"

"What... what was that?"

"I think, I _think_... that might have been a kiss. But we can ask the Room to summon a dictionary if you want" said Lily, with a smirk. James looked at her, and suddenly his dazed expression cleared, and there was a mischievous look in his hazel eyes.

"No, but I'd just like to double check" and, quick as a flash, before Lily could gather her wits, he leant down and kissed her again, one strong hand around the back of her head and the other around her waist, holding her with surprising gentleness for what was a blatant attempt to keep her from running off. He didn't need to, though, because after a few seconds he felt Lily's hands snake up his sides and draw his face closer to hers. He could feel her silky red hair tickling his cheeks, and it was with a supreme effort that he resisted asking the Room to conjure up a giant Jacuzzi- or something of the sort. Lily allowed him to continue for a minute or two, and then gently shoved him, still grinning, against the wall.

"I think now might not be the time" she said, laughing. "Remember I'm in grave danger"

"So we're trapped in a confined space until the Potion gets reversed by Snape, which will take at least an hour" said James. "What _better_ time?" she rolled her eyes at the roguish look on his face. He realised that once Lily had made her mind up, nothing would get her to change it, and decided on a different tactic. He was far too close now to give up. "Okay, fine. But you owe me"

"I do" she said, with a worried expression. She had a feeling she knew what kinds of things James would want in repayment, and the triumphant looks she'd be seeing on Remus, Emmeline, Alice, Ted, Sherine and Sirius were just too horrific to imagine.

"Let me take you out on Valentine's Day" She groaned. It was just too predictable and clichéd for words, but she didn't want to make it worse.

"Alright, alright, one date on Valentine's" she said, trying not to think what would happen if they were spotted.

"Meet you at six, on Saturday, outside Honeyduke's?" he said, with a smug grin.

"Alright" she said, with a sigh, and sat down on the sofa that had just materialized, trying not to think about the fact that it was red velvet, and candles were blossoming all over the Room. She had a nasty feeling that she was in a lot of trouble.

* * *

"I _knew _it!" crowed Sherine, once Lily had filled her in with an abridged (i.e. kiss-free) version of the day's events. She would have told her dorm-mates, except that Andy had been in there and she had a feeling that her news wouldn't go down too well with her estranged best friend- so she, Sherine and Remus had decided on a good gossip in the darkest corner of the Library, instead.

"Shh" hissed Remus, looking around nervously.

"_You_" said Sherine, turning to the boy, "Owe me a galleon. Pay up!"

"What did you bet on?" said Lily, looking rather amused.

"I bet that James would make a move on you when he saved your neck" said Sherine. "See, I'm good at these things"

"Yeah, you really are" said Lily. "Tell me, why is it you're banned from Hogsmeade 'till the end of term? Something about your underwear being where it shouldn't be?"

"I _still _can't believe you and Spinnet did it in the staffroom" said Sirius, suddenly appearing from behind a bookcase. Sherine went crimson, but Sirius was chuckling and shaking his head. "I don't think I've ever seen your brother look so miserable as when he found _that _out"

"And who told him, remind me?" said Sherine, with a glare at Sirius that practically burnt a hole through his head. He was about to answer- probably to try and say something charming- when she smashed him over the head with a book. Lily noticed that she was using it for an essay on Silencing Spells and smiled in appreciation of the irony.

"Anyway" said Sirius, sitting down next to Lily. "I heard about Prongs's latest little Lily-grabbing scheme"

"Surprise surprise" said Lily with a laugh. Funnily enough, she didn't really mind. She was warming to the two boys, and didn't really mind their stupid senses of humour any more. Something inside her said that she would probably feel differently if she still had Andy around to make her laugh, but she pushed that thought away before it had really permeated her consciousness.

"Well, you know James" said Sirius. "He's a good bloke, though. And he knows how to charm the pants off a girl-"

"Like he did for the first six years he knew me, you mean?" scoffed Lily.

"Let me _finish_, woman! I was _going _to say, he knows how to charm the pants off a girl if she'll just give him free reign"

"Free reign to do _what_?" said Lily, disgusted. Sirius let out a bark of laughter.

"Well, well, I didn't mean it in that way at _all_, but it seems you're not as innocent as you make us think, Miss Head Girl Evans!"

"Oh, shut it" said Lily, smacking him on the arm. He shook his head with a grin, and, swiping his bag from where Sherine was about to empty the remainders of her Butterbeer, walked out of the Library.

"You do know he just came in here to gloat over the fact that James won" said Remus, with a smile.

"Yeah, I know" said Lily. "But me and James aren't together-" ("Yet", muttered Sherine under her breath) "- and I only agreed to pay him back for saving my hide!"

"I know" said Remus, but he still didn't look convinced. Lily raised an eyebrow at the look on his face, smiled at Sherine, and got up.

"I have rounds, so I'll see you two later?"

"Sure" said Sherine, waving. Lily stretched and yawned, and headed for the door.

"Well, well, well" said Sherine, with a laugh. "You've got to love Hogwarts. Never a normal day"

"Very true" said Remus, with a short laugh.

"It's just lucky that James didn't drink any of that Potion" said Sherine, shrugging on her cloak in preparation, Remus assumed, for an illegal trip into Hogsmeade with Darryl.

"Yeah" he said, but he had a feeling that the explanation for the day's events wasn't _quite _that cut-and-dry.

* * *

Apart from the fact that Andy still wasn't talking to her, Lily's week had been pretty good, she mused, as she climbed the stairs to the Gryffindor Common Room. Although people had been teasing her about her date with James, none of them seemed to take it seriously- the story that, as the result of a bet, or some other deal, the two were going into Hogsmeade together, suited her just fine, and to her surprise seemed to have spread even faster than the rumours that a Love-Potion addled Sirius had attempted to molest Madam Pomfrey when she was trying to administer his antidote.

Although, to be honest, no one had been very surprised.

"Stupid Cupid" she said to the Fat Lady, who, with an echo of "And men are _pigs_, dear" swung forward to let her in. Lily gave her a sympathetic smile. After that portrait of Lord Mulgavenney had cheated on her with one of the nuns in the picture on the floor below, she didn't blame the Fat Lady for her current anti-male stance. Lily had only just entered the Common room, though, when someone grabbed her and pulled her back out. About to hit whoever was holding her, they let her go and she realised it was James.

"Sorry" he said. "Can I have a word?" Lily nodded.

"Don't believe a thing he says, dear!" said the Fat Lady, shooting a nasty look at James.

"Look, Vector just caught me sneaking food from the kitchens, and gave me detention, this Saturday" he said, looking miserable.

"PITIFUL EXCUSE!" shrieked the Fat Lady. Lily rolled her eyes and motioned for him to continue.

"So I can't complete our deal, but I'm sure that will just be a relief to you"

"How am I going to repay you, then?" said Lily, with a smile. James grinned. They hadn't waited until Saturday for a repeat of the events in the Room of Requirement, anyway, and it was probably just as well that their little arrangement was a secret.

"I'll think of something" he said, pecking her on the cheek and, grabbing his broomstick from where it was propped against the wall, heading down the staircase.

"LIES!" howled the Fat Lady, beginning to sob. "Get him back, dear! Cut his-"

"Silencio" the Fat Lady looked horrified, and Lily realised that she would have to wait for someone else to let her in when she stormed out of the side of her painting.

"Oh well" said Frank, appearing behind her. "She might not like you much, but you did everyone a favour"

* * *

"It's such a shame" said Alice to Remus, Sirius, Emmeline and Frank that Saturday, after dinner as the group all sat in the Gryffindor Common Room. "I would have loved to see how that played out." She waited until Andy, who was walking past them, was out of earshot before continuing- she was generally normal to everyone except Lily, but any mention of her ex-best friend got her into a foul temper which Alice really didn't want to deal with all evening. "Why is it James had to cancel?"

"He got a detention from Vector" said Sirius, rolling his eyes. "After all these years of being charming, the one detention he really can't afford to have is the one he doesn't manage to bullshit his way out of!"

"Funny" said Alice. "Lily got a detention from Vector yesterday. She didn't hand in her homework." Sirius chuckled.

"Very funny" muttered Remus to Emmeline. "Especially since, when I copied her answers last Tuesday, she had already done it!"

The two exchanged discreet smirks.

* * *

**A/N: ****Aww****, we all love a bit of fluff now and then, don't we?!**

**Until next time, folks!**

**Riddle x**


	18. Chapter 18: Uncovering Secrets

**A/N: At last, an update! And finally, some answers to a few questions people have been asking me! Thanks this time go to buttonbit, Rosemary Anne, ThenxtMrsNickJonas (you might have to fight my lil sister for him: just a warning!), Isabelle Saunders, xXx-fifi-xXx, Little Miss Elizabeth, Siriusissexxy, serenity12345, laura sedai, LILYandJAMESareCUTE and shetlandlace for their reviews! As I'm so grateful, I'm going to work extra hard NOT on History coursework, but on this, so you can all have the next chappie ASAP! Riddle X**

**Chapter 18: Uncovering Secrets**

_Two Months Later..._

Lily was sitting happily in the Gryffindor Common Room with Alice and Frank (who, it seems, had been adopted as a sort of honorary Gryffindor). Most of the rest of the group, Marauders included, were off playing Quidditch, as everyone was feeling a bit rusty after spending most of the Easter holidays revising for their NEWTs. Lily had spent the holidays with Emmeline, as her father was still having trouble walking, let alone driving a car, and she didn't want to put her parents to any trouble. Also, she had heard through the grapevine that Petunia and Vernon were _engaged_, God forbid, and really didn't want to have to give them any fake congratulations- the mere thought of the two of them made her gag, and seeing Petunia with an engagement ring could probably cause long-term mental ill-effects.

Lily, curled up on a thick, squashy red velvet armchair, was watching Alice kick Frank's arse at chess- although it was probably less to do with her lamentable skills and more to do with the fact that one of her buttons had popped off and she hadn't realised yet.

"Damn it, you're a King! Have some balls!" Frank was yelling at his King, which was being ripped to shreds by Alice's vicious black pawn. "Oh, come ON!"

"Calm _down_!" said Alice with a giggle. "Does that mean I've won?"

"Only because of a technicality that really shouldn't exist" said Frank, grumpily repairing his chessmen and setting them all out on the board. "I want the black ones this time"

"Oh no!" said a squeaky voice emanating from one of the black players- Lily rather thought it was the bishop- on the board. "We're doing well by her, sonny boy. We're not abandoning the winning side!"

"Hear hear" squeaked several other black pieces, while the white pieces moaned. Alice giggled and Lily smiled to herself, turning a page of her book. She was in an oversized Quidditch sweatshirt of James's, skinny jeans and a pair of fluffy red slippers, and her hair was still damp and smelled of lavender from her shower.

"You alright, Lil?" said Alice with a smile, ignoring Frank's frustrated scream as her Queen began to rip his poor Knight limb from sorry limb.

"Yeah, I'm pretty good, thanks" said Lily, smiling and squeezing Alice's hand.

"Whatcha reading?"

"Muggle book" said Lily with a laugh.

"You and your romance novels" said Frank, rolling his eyes. "You know, the more you girls go on and on and ON about Mr-sodding-Darcy, the more emasculated I feel."

"Well, how do you think WE feel when you lot perv on Madam Pomfrey in front of us?" said Lily. "Not all of us have breasts the size and shape of water balloons, you know. It's rather depressing that you set such high standards!"

"Are you kidding? You think guys like it when girls decide they're only going to date guys that are tall, dark, handsome and rich? Well, come to think of it, James kind of fits that category" he said with a grumpy scowl. Frank and James had made a sort of uneasy truce in the past few months, but it seemed James's cocky attitude still grated on the Hufflepuff boy. Lily smirked.

"Don't worry, Frank. You'll do just fine" said Alice. "For now" Frank yelped and shot her a filthy look.

"Bitch"

"Love-rrrrr" purred Alice with a smile. Lily laughed as she looked at them- Frank had done wonders for Alice's confidence.

"Hey guys" said Remus, who had just come in through the portrait hole. He dumped an armful of books on the table next to the fire. "I was just getting some stuff out the Library for our tutoring sessions tomorrow, Lil. I forgot that I didn't bother to bring in any of my old books this year"

"No, that looks good to me" said Lily, thumbing through Remus's pile of books. "Potions, Dark Arts, Transfiguration, Charms, Herbology, Ancient Runes and Arithmancy. That's all we're teaching, isn't it?" Remus nodded. "Thanks, Remus, I totally forgot" Lily and Remus had given in to public demand and finally agreed to act as tutors for the younger students, as they always had in previous years, but, bowing to their own schedules, only for subjects that they had continued to NEWT level themselves. At least, Lily thought, she would make some money off it. She wasn't yet sure what she wanted to do after school- although she would most likely apply for Healer Training the following autumn.

"You're welcome. Can you help me carry them upstairs?" Remus gave Lily a significant look and she nodded, grabbing his bag and a couple of books, and following him up a few flights of stairs to his dormitory.

"What was it you wanted?" said Lily, sitting down and giving Remus a concerned look. "Are you okay?"

"Yes, yes, I'm fine" said Remus, brushing her off. "Ted wanted to talk to you; he should be here in a few minutes. How are you and James?"

"Better than we should be" said Lily "considering up until a few months ago I hated his guts"

"Well, everyone knew you two should be together" said Remus. "I know you're sick of hearing it, but it really only was a matter of time before you realised that you're made for each other. Your fiery temper and his dog-like devotion are polar opposites, and you_ know_ opposites attract!"



"Yeah, well if that was the case, you'd be dating Sirius" said Lily with a grin "So I wouldn't talk too fast if I were you!" Remus laughed, with a shudder at the thought of dating Sirius.

"Darryl and Sherine been caught going at it yet?"

"Only by a Hufflepuff prefect" said Lily with a smile. "Darryl was able to blackmail their way out of detention, you know what goes on in the Hufflepuff common room!"

"Yeah, no wonder Frank likes Gryffindor so much" said Remus, shaking his head with a smile.

"Hey Remus. Hey Lily."

"Oh, hey Ted" said Lily, smiling at Sherine's long-suffering brother. "What's up?"

"I just wanted a word with you, if that's alright" said Ted, nodding at Remus, who smiled at them and left, quietly shutting the door behind him. "About Andy" a momentary cloud passed over Lily's face, but it was soon gone and she nodded, sitting down cross-legged on Remus's bed.

"What about her?"

"Lily, she's in a really bad way. She needs friends, I can't handle her by myself at the moment, I really can't. She really feels bad about what happened with you two, but it's gone on so long I think she just can't bring herself to apologise" said Ted, so fast that his words all melted together.

"Wait- what? Can you just explain from the beginning?" said Lily, patting the bed next to her. Ted sat down.

"Look, Lil, I know Andy completely overreacted at the beginning of the spring term, and I don't blame you, for, you know, kind of cutting her off. If I was in your place I probably would have avoided her too. It's just..."

"Was there another reason that she went apeshit?" said Lily. "I did wonder if maybe she was having a hard time at home or something."

"You could say that" said Ted, sighing. "Look, what I'm about to tell you, you can't tell anyone else, alright? It's not something that should be spread around"

"Of course" said Lily, looking at him in concern. "What on earth's the matter with her? Is it really bad?"

"Nothing happened to Andy" said Ted. "Just... you know her cousin, Delphini? Stupid name. Why her family names their kids after constellations is beyond me. But you know the one I'm talking about?"

"Oh, yes, I met her a few years ago, Andy stayed with her one summer" said Lily. "A bit of a black sheep, like Andy, isn't she? Married a blood traitor? A Weasley cousin?"

"Yes, her family cut her off when she had a baby two summers ago" said Ted. Lily nodded- Andy hadn't stopped going on about the baby for almost the entire year.

"I know, Andy loved that kid. Did something happen to Delphini?" the look on Ted's face was enough to tell Lily everything. She clapped a hand over her mouth. "Death Eaters?"

"No, it was the family of the man Delphini was supposed to marry" said Ted. "The Lestranges. She was supposed to marry Rodolphus. Of course, they've foisted him off to Bellatrix since then but I think marrying a Weasley and then having a child was the last straw"

"I can't believe it" said Lily, going white. "Oh, poor Andy! Why on earth didn't she say anything?"

"I think at first she was still in shock" said Ted. "It took three weeks for me to get out of her what happened. It only happened a few days before we came back to school"

"She was the only person in Andy's family that she ever talked to, except Sirius" said Lily. "Was her husband killed too?"

"Yes"

"What about the baby?"

"Well... see, that was what drove Andy over the edge" said Ted with a sigh. "Delphini had named Andy as guardian, jointly with one of the Weasleys, her husband's brother. But, naturally, the Blacks wouldn't leave a child of their blood to be raised by a blood traitor, would they?"

"But... the child of a blood traitor... I thought they wouldn't have anything to do with it!"

"No, it's still a pureblood, remember, and the Blacks are dying out. Any child of the Blood would be worth its weight in gold to them"

"So... what happened to her?"

"Walburga and Orion Black have her"

"Sirius's parents?"

"Yes. They won't even let Andy see her. She asked Sirius to help her, but you know how he feels about his parents, he wouldn't even consider it. Andy even went home for the Easter holidays, to see if her parents would help, but of course they wouldn't, and Bellatrix and Narcissa just made things worse"

"I can't believe it. I honestly can't believe it."

"Will you go and talk to her? Right now I'm the only one who knows"

"Of course I will! Is she in our dorm?"

"Yes, last time I checked."

"See you in a bit" said Lily, kissing him on the cheek and striding out of the boy's dormitory. Half-running to the bottom of the stairs, she crept around the corner so that Alice and Frank wouldn't see her, and then started at a run up the spiral staircase towards their dormitory.

"Andy?" she said, as she turned in to their room. Andromeda was sitting on her bed, gazing out of the latticed window. She looked at Lily with tear-filled eyes, and, wordlessly, Lily wrapped her arms around her and hugged her.

"Right" she said, sitting down next to her. "You're going to tell me everything, from the beginning."

"Ted told you about Delphini and Nymphadora?" said Andy, who seemed to have instantly forgotten about their argument.

"Yes, he did. So you're going to have a Butterbeer-" said Lily, conjuring one out of midair "and then, once we've finished school this summer we'll sort everything out" Andy nodded, and, for the first time in what felt like far too long, the two no-longer ex-best friends sat down for a good heart to heart.

* * *

**A/N: A little unorthodox, I know! I'd love to know what you guys think of my little plot twist. Don't worry, everything will be tied in to the story! Also, I know, no Lily/James this chapter, but, don't worry, next time we'll have some good ole' flashbacks and find out how they got together and how everyone else reacted! Until next time, folks, reviews are very welcome! Riddle X**


	19. Chapter 19: For the Love of Gossip

**A/N: Firstly, I just want to thank everyone who had the patience to bear with me on this story! As much as I love it, I just lost momentum for that last bit. This is technically the last chapter (ish) but an epilogue will follow at some point to tie up everything. And by the way, I **_**was **_**implying that Nymphadora was adopted. Kudos to those who figured it out! Thanks to mountainrider, soar2survive, Hannah Rubix, edwardandbellaloverforever25, xXx-fifi-xXx, Rosemary Anne, UnexpectedInspiration, shetlandlace, serenity12345 and the ever wonderful laura sedai for reviewing the last chapter!**

**Chapter 19**

Lily was happier than she had been in ages. James was lovely, and a most attentive (some, herself included, would say scarily attentive) boyfriend, and she had wonderful friends, but she hadn't realised quite how much Andy had the power to cheer her up. She had also missed having someone to confide everything in. Alice was too quiet, Sherine was too loud and Emmeline far too sarcastic to be anywhere near proper confidantes.

The two girls were sitting curled up on Andy's bed, the curtains drawn and a Silencing charm giving them complete privacy. It had used to be a several-times-weekly ritual for the two girls, and Lily thought that they would probably have to do it every day this week to catch up on all they had missed of each other's lives. Andy was smiling again, settling comfortably onto Lily's pillows as if they had never been apart, her deep grey eyes warm again.

"I've told you what happened to me, but what happened to you?" said Andromeda, while Lily busied herself Summoning some chocolate frogs from where she knew they were hidden in James's room.

"What are you talking about?" said Lily after a few second's silence, and, with the barest hint of a smirk, picked up a squirming chocolate frog and delicately bit its head off. Andromeda looked a little queasy.

"_What _those poor things ever did to you, I don't know. No, I was talking about your little boy toy. Because, as I seem to remember, you two had a little affair going on, didn't you?" Lily giggled and Andy raised an eyebrow. "Oh, yes. You definitely kept everyone guessing. It was driving me _nuts_. One day you'd be all matey matey and he'd be slimeing all over you, but before everyone can get too suspicious- BAM!- back comes Lily the Ice Queen, biting his head off. And of course, I couldn't _ask _you" Andy glanced at Lily's dismembered chocolate frog with a grin. "So. Come on. Spill"

"Well, alright, fine, I'll tell you"

"You _better_"

"Okay, so remember me and James had that detention together? When we were supposed to be going on a date?" said Lily, tossing Andy a chocolate frog which was promptly devoured. Seeing that there was no point fighting the inevitable, Lily tossed her the remainder of the box and contented herself with a freshly-summoned copy of _Ozmopolitan_.

"Oh, yeah. When you _forgot _to do your homework. Which was blatantly obvious manipulation, by the way, everyone in the House was suspicious" Andy smirked at the memory, able, finally, to look back on it without resentment.

"Mmhmm. Well, when I got there, James-"

"Please, Lil, for my sanity, call him Potter"

"Okay, fine then, _Potter _was sitting at his desk looking really depressed sorting out quail hearts into different sizes"

"Always an enviable task"

"Quite. Well..."

* * *

Poking her head around the door to the dungeon, Lily saw James. His hair was messy (well, what else was new?), and his tie and cloak were both loose, the top two buttons of his shirt undone. He sat sullenly waving his wand, sorting a huge pile of Potions ingredients into several piles with each deft flick of his wand. His hazel eyes were downcast and he sighed as he reached the bottom of one pile and started on another. He looked up, surprised, as a flash of copper-red obscured his vision, and Lily flopped down next to him. She was looking stunningly pretty in a dark green blouse and black cotton skirt, the material complementing her hair perfectly, although James winced slightly to see her in Slytherin colours. His well-publicised duel with Snape at the end of last year had not yet been forgotten. However, looking at her, he cleared his throat and tried to find something to say that wouldn't make him sound like a retard. Naturally, he fell back to the tried and tested method of sarcasm.

"Detention? Rather a break from tradition, isn't it, Evans?" Lily laughed slightly, shaking her head so her hair brushed over her shoulders. James's eyes followed her hungrily.

"Evans? Dear me, I rather thought we'd surmounted that little surname problem, _James_"

* * *

Andy winced.

"Well, you wanted the whole story!" said Lily, indignant. Her friend sighed.

"Okay, just... just give me warning. Or refer to him as You-Know-Who or something"

"Do you reckon that's why people started calling You-Know-Who You-Know-Who in the first place? Because his girlfriend's best friend couldn't resign herself to their relationship?" said Lily with a knowing grin.

"Shut up and get on with the story, you insolent little twerp"

"Alright, keep your hair on..."

* * *

James chuckled and looked at her with a strange intensity, one eyebrow raised. With his hair messy around his face and the torches casting a flickering light over the whole scene, he looked far more handsome than he ever had before, and Lily raised one eyebrow in response to his. Both leaned back simultaneously. When James gave her a lingering once-over- his eyes sweeping from her toes all the way up to her bright green gaze, which he held- she blushed and looked away, as her heart skipped a beat.

* * *

"Do we _have _to get the whole 'lingering once-over, heart skipping a beat' rubbish, Lil?" said Andy, who was stroking a strangely silent Salem. Both looked faintly nauseous, and Lily smirked.

"Yeah, well, I put up with a detailed description of what you and Ted did that time in the broom closet, and I believe that deserves some reciprocation" said Lily with a sniff.

Andy sighed.

Lily was going to describe them kissing. In great detail. She just _knew _it.

Well, in all fairness, after her lurid description of Ted's... _wand_... she'd probably do the same thing.

* * *

"So why are you here, then?" said James, leaning forward slightly. "Go on, spit it out. Caught having a little one-to-one tuition with dear old Snivellus in the Room of Requirement?" his eyes flashed but Lily merely smiled, brushing off the invitation for an argument and uncrossing her legs.

"I have to arrange our date" said Lily, rolling her eyes.

Of all the answers James had expected- "I stabbed Narcissa Malfoy in her sleep", "Andy and I had another argument and we blew up the Common Room", and "I decided to try that tap-dancing Potion again but accidentally spiked Slughorn's pumpkin juice instead" immediately springing to mind- this was certainly a surprise, and both of his eyebrows disappeared under his messy black hair.

"Ev- Lily, I told you. We're square. Besides, it was me who got you in a mess with that love potion anyway, you shouldn't owe me anything. I was being opportunistic"

"I'm well aware of that, James, but I'm afraid I owe you another date" said Lily, green eyes sparkling. James looked as though someone had struck him over the head with a blunt object. "And Lily Evans _never _turns down a dare!"

"A dare- oh! In the Christmas holidays, you mean?" said James, whose confused look had vanished and been replaced by a mischievous grin. It looked like someone had cast a Cheering Charm on him.

"Yes, indeed. So however difficult this is going to be, and besides the fact that the last thing in the world I'd want to do is spend my Saturday with _you_, Potter-" she sounded so much like she had for the past six years that James grinned, although the fact that his hand was dangerously near to her thigh and he was still in possession of all his limbs told him he was safe- "I'm afraid I'm just going to have to put up with you taking me on a date at some point. Don't expect to actually enjoy it and no _funny business_" she was grinning broadly by this time, clearly loving having rendered him speechless. Well, two can play at that game, he thought.

"Like this?" said James, pulling a white lily from behind his back, the telltale spark of his wand showing that there had been no bloom there before.

"Like that" said Lily, who looked a little flabbergasted, and was blushing.

James had a lot to thank Albus Dumbledore for.

* * *

"Alright, so maybe that was a bit cute" conceded Andy, allowing the hint of a smirk to cross her face. "And you always were a sucker for lilies. Never knew why. Always brings funerary processions to my mind, for some reason"

"Well, maybe I have a soft spot for them because they have a gorgeous name" said Lily, grinning.

"Well, the Andromeda system has a great name too, doesn't mean I took Astronomy for NEWT, now, does it?" said Andy, rolling her eyes. "Get on with the story, for heaven's sake!"

"Okay, okay!" said Lily, putting her fingers up in front of her in the shape of a cross. "Down! Bad demon! Well, you remember the week after Valentine's Day, it snowed Hogsmeade weekend?"

* * *

"Throw a snowball at me, Potter, and you will most definitely regret it" said Lily. Without even looking round, she knew that the soft crunching of boots on snow would be James. The stifled sniggers also lent themselves to that impression. She spun around, simultaneously leaping to the side to avoid the two snowballs that had flown right at her.

"Good dodging, Ev- Argh!" yelled Sirius, caught unawares- Lily, with a quick, subtle non-verbal spell, had sent both of their snowballs flying right back at them. Sirius, desperately trying to straighten his now sopping and sticky-looking hair (they _had_ put Sticking Solution in the snowballs! She _knew _it!) looked as if he was about to storm off in a huff, but James smiled brightly at her. In a Gryffindor scarf and plain black jumper and comfortable-looking jeans, James looked at ease, happy, and, well, himself. Lily couldn't help but notice he suited the casual look rather better than she did. Her blue polo shirt and plain black trousers were nice enough, but her winter cloak rather gave her the look of a wannabe vampire.

"Want to go?" he said, casting a drying spell on his hair and ignoring the still-muttering Sirius.

"Sure" said Lily, smiling at him and taking his proffered arm. They walked off down the snowy path that passed by the Shrieking Shack, heading for the snow-blanketed country lane that ran off to one side further down the hill. They had been walking- and talking rather too comfortably for Lily's liking- for some minutes when she asked.

"So- why'd you bring Sirius?"

"Moral support"

"Oh?" said Lily, raising one eyebrow.

"And..."

"Hmm?"

"Well, I might have been scared, or, rather, petrified, that all this was a ploy to get me on my own so you could cut my balls off. Or something a little more violent" he hastily added at Lily's insulted look.

"Nah. You've improved over the years. It's been a while since I've wanted to do anything more than viciously hex you"

"And humiliate me in front of the entire school" chided James with a smirk.

"_And _humiliate you in front of the entire school" agreed Lily with a shrug. "Well, what else is a single girl going to do with her time than revenge herself upon mankind?"

"Homework?" suggested James tentatively. Lily laughed.

"I'm a month ahead in every subject. If I did _more _work, I may as well have taken my NEWTs last year and run off to earn some money" she said with a shrug. "And I wanted my years here to last as long as possible"

"Why?" said James, looking slightly baffled that anyone would want to spend more time in school than was strictly necessary.

"Why? Goodness, you can really tell you're a pure blood. See the place from my point of view, as a child, coming here. The magic never really faded. Hogwarts is a little child's fantasy. When Severus told me about it, I thought it would be good, but I never imagined how much it would change my perspective of the world. And I'm _good _at it. I'm good at magic. I want to learn as much as I can from here before I'm forced to live in some dingy little flat next door to St Mungo's for my training" James for a moment looked taken aback.

"You do realise that's the longest you've ever spoken to me in one go?"

"Is it? Dear me, you're having a bad influence on me. But I'll only have stooped to your level when the sound of my voice coming down the corridor makes you want to hurl yourself headlong out of the nearest window to a certain, speedy end. When that time comes, do everyone a favour and lock me in the Shrieking Shack" James threw back his head and laughed, squeezing her shoulders as he chuckled. Lily looked at his hand in some bafflement. She hadn't even realised it was there. Now _this _wasn't good.

"So you want to be a Healer, O Vindictive One?" said James with an admiring look. "A little... well... wholesome, for a woman of your talents, wouldn't you say?"

"Perhaps" said Lily with a shrug. "I only really realised that was what I wanted when my parents went into hospital. I realised that without the doctors- Muggle Healers- Dad at least wouldn't have made it, and thought, what better thing to do with your time than stop people losing loved ones?"

"You realize you'll spend most of your time removing objects that people have managed to stick up various orifices, and removing Bat Bogey hexes, and giving sponge baths to old men with Spattergroit" pointed out James conversationally. Lily gave him a disgusted look.

"Yes, well, that too. But saving lives is most important. Once this situation with You-Know-Who dies down, I'd like to do missionary work abroad anyway."

"You're too caring for your own good, you know" said James. "If only you'd spare a little of that for me..."

"Oh, shut it, you, you get more than you deserve" said Lily through a giggle. She couldn't help it. That puppy-dog look that she used to find so infuriating had somehow graduated to charming, and she didn't know how.

* * *

"No! Not the puppy dog look!" said Andy. "I thought there was hope, and now you're telling me you _succumbed _to the _puppy dog look_?"

"You don't want to hear the rest, do you?" said Lily. It wasn't a question- it was a statement of fact.

"No, not particularly" said Andy with a shudder. "Just summarise for me"

"Well, we reached the Shrieking Shack, and James dared me to go in..." said Lily with a grin. "And then he followed me, and, well... you know" Andy let out a strangled shriek and clapped her hands over her ears.

"WHO ARE YOU AND WHAT HAVE YOU DONE WITH LILY EVANS?! What happened to cutting his you-know-what off?!"

"I guess I just found a better use for it" said Lily, with a smirk that was pure evil.

"Oh, God. My ears are bleeding" said Andy. Lily grinned.

"Come on, let's go and find our boy toys. I think we need to have all the fun we possibly can while we're still here. And if we were to accidentally, I don't know, set up some inane practical joke for when they get here, well..."

"Now you're talking" said Andy.

* * *

**A/N: Epilogue following at some point. It'll be pure fluff, just to warn you!**

**BTW, I'm not writing off this story and these characters forever- I just can't promise updates at this point in time. I may at some point feel inspired to carry on, and in that case there may be one-shots, a sequel etcetera. Love you all, Riddle Xx**


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